A/B/O, Non-Idols, Past Mpreg // Namjikook Au | Pt

namjikook au | pt. 3 🔞

jk, jm and nj have to come to terms with their feelings for each other.

link to pt. 2:
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https://twitter.com/jooniecats/status/1624597070320484352

they all take turns taking showers and under the shower spray, jk feels himself spiralling down.

he knew this would be a bad idea.

but wouldn’t his instincts have drifted to nj and jm anyway? it all feels so inevitable. jk feels so weak, so betrayed by his own instinctual want even after the heat has passed.

jk hasn’t tried dating in so long. the possibility of ever loving someone else after nj left, hasn’t even occurred to him in all this time.

and just.

it’s taken root somewhere deep inside his chest, where he’s tender and defenseless.

jk can scrub himself clean of their scents, but he can’t shake the memory off.

and truth be told, he doesn’t want to.

jk can’t get in the middle of that. he shouldn’t.

nj and jm, also showered and in a clean change of clothes, are putting fresh sheets on the bed.

nj looks up. “just changing the sheets,” he says.

“i do,” jk mutters.

nj’s mouth curls into a little smile at that.

jk closes his fist. “b-but you didn’t have to. you already did enough, this is really not, ah.”

“jk,” he says softly. “we don’t want you to feel embarrassed or self-conscious. it was your heat and we’re glad we could, ah.”

jk looks up at them. still talking like they’re a single unit who were just doing a favor to jk. he can’t not feel self-conscious.

“thanks,” he says. “for everything you’ve done. i-i appreciate it but this is more than enough.”

“listen,” he tries again. “i have to pick binna up. and i have to—ah. i’m not on birth control or anything so i have to go and get the fucking pill and then i want to come back and be alone with my daughter.”

“um, okay,” nj starts. “we were just hoping we could talk about this. when do you think it would be a good time?”

“why the fuck do you keep speaking for each other?” jk snaps. then closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

jm takes a step closer to him. “what can we do?”

“you can leave,” he says immediately. “i’ll text you or something and—”

“no,” nj says.

jk gapes and jm turns to look at nj. nj blushes and wets his lip.

jk swallows. “you will go home right now and you will talk about it with each other. you will talk about what it means for your relationship or whatever. i don’t need to be there.”

jk sighs. and he feels stupid but he can’t help giving in. doesn’t have the energy to fight his own instincts anymore.

jm nods. “yes, we understand. we’ll leave,” he says, turning to nj.

nj doesn’t stir, just continues looking at jk.

“hyung,” jk pleads softly.

nj releases a little huff of breath and nods. “yeah, okay.”

they all hover at the doorway awkwardly until jk clears his throat.

“maybe we can have dinner sometime this week,” he says quietly.

jk bites the inside of his cheek and nods. “sure.”

“i’ll text you. we can pick you up from work,” jm says.

jm and nj both smile at that. “yes,” they say at the same time and that doesn’t annoy jk.

jk’s omega growls in protest at being parted but jk ignores it. makes himself go back inside where the washing machine is already beeping.

where they used to smell of him and jm and nj, now they only smell of his neutral fabric softener.

hs pets his head and once jk stands up, binna cradled in his arms, his nose twitches.

“please don’t,” jk says.

hs gives him a long look. “well, okay, then. whenever you want to talk about i’ll be here.”

jk hums and lets binna drag him into the kitchen where she was just helping yg make japchae.

———

binna is kneeling on the floor next to the sleeping pup’s crib, quietly singing one of the songs jk sometimes sings to her for bedtime.

“am i making a total fool of myself?” jk asks, looking at the mirror.

“of course not,” th says, sitting up on the bed. “i get that you want to protect yourself and binna but, c’mon, jk. they /offered/ to spend your heat with you.”

th purses his mouth. “did it feel like a biological when you were getting—”

“shhh.”

binna stops singing and looks up at jk with a frown on her face. “why?”

“n-no. not you, darling. keep singing to the pup,” he says.

jk bites his lip and looks back at th, shoulders slumping. “i don’t know.”

jk releases his lower lip from his teeth. “b-but binna and—”

jk hesitates, looks at binna, then back at th. “i guess.”

———

nj is wearing a long, very expensive-looking double breasted jacket and jm is wearing a very pretty blouse under tweed. they look gorgeous.

jk barely says any word until he’s in the backseat of their car, trying hard to not feel like a child or a third wheel.

“um, so where are we going?” he asks leaning in.

jk nods.

“he has a restaurant now. just opened up a few weeks ago, i haven’t been able to go. should be good, though.”

“i don’t have to order seafood,” nj says.

“i’m sure they have other things!”

jm laughs again and jk sighs, sitting back on the seat and looking out the window.

jm and nj don’t talk after that and the silence feels tense.

when they get to the restaurant, jk is quick to get out, needing to breath in some fresh air, his head already dizzy with their scents.

jk nods his head, avoiding nj’s gaze.

nj hums. “you look really nice,” he says softly into jk’s hair. “very pretty.”

“thanks,” he breathes. “you look very handsome too.”

nj smiles, dimpled and warm, and ducks his head. jk blushes.

“are you guys flirting without me?” jm asks, catching up to them, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear.

jm smirks. it all makes jk’s heart beat faster.

“let’s go inside.”

jk clears his throat. “i’m fine with anything you want to order,” he says. “can we just, please—”

nj quickly gets up to shake eric’s hand. jk sighs and slumps down on his chair.

“hey man,” nj is saying.

all the charm only nj can make seem so natural, so effortless.

the natural born, gracious class president, flashing his politician smile.

jk swallows. has to look away. when he does, he catches jm looking at him.

“jm-ie,” he’s saying. “it’s been a bit, isn’t it? i heard you guys got engaged.”

nj’s smile falters at that. only for a second, though.

eric laughs. “right, right. that’s good. you guys are young,” he says and then his eyes catch on jk. they go wide.

“jk? jk-ie?”

jk swallows. “hi, eric.”

jk blinks at him. “thanks?”

“oh my god,” jm mutters, hiding a quick surprised laugh behind his hand.

eric turns to look at nj, then at jm, then at jk. something slotting together in his brain. “oh,” he says.

eric leaves then, and the waiter takes their order and as soon as he leaves too, jm turns to nj. a grin on his face.

“you are so embarrassing sometimes,” he says. “he was just being nice.”

“he was /not/ just being nice,” nj says.

“what?” jk asks, choking on his glass of water. he thinks back of every interaction he ever had with eric. he always was really nice. maybe too nice.

“he told you?” jm asks, eyes squinting.

nj nods.

“what did he say?” jk asks, interested now.

“i-i am not going to repeat the things he said,” nj says, going red. “we were kids, it was just—”

jk can’t fight the smirk. “did you say those things too? about me?”

nj smiles, still red. “not then,” he says. “i never said the kind of things he said, really. but back then i didn’t talk about you at all.”

nj chokes out a little laugh. “no, i mean. i liked you too much and i didn’t know how to speak about it. it made me really nervous, for some reason. like i said, i was just a kid.”

jk thought it was so cute. it stings to think about it now. he shakes it off and clears his throat once the silence starts to drag on.

jm laughs. “yeah, shit, is the wine almost here, you think?”

and as if in cue, the waiter shows up with their bottle of wine, serving three glasses.

“yeah, i know, i know,” he says. then turns to jk. “so, feelings.”

jk swallows. “feelings.”

“what? you want me to start?”

jm bites his lip and shrugs.

jk huffs. “can you just, please say anything. i’m getting anxious.”

“no, i’m sorry,” nj says, quickly turning to him.

jk bites his lip. looks at nj, at his hand fiddling with the napkin.

nj looks up and winces. “don’t be crass.”

“but that’s what you’re saying,” jk says. he sighs. “and listen, i’m not condemning you for it. i wanted it too, heat or otherwise.”

“okay,” jk says. “so we’re on the same page about that. good, now hear me out,” he says, laying his palms flat on the table, grounding himself.

“who’s saying anything about casual sex?” jm asks, frowning.

jm huffs. “we like you, goddammit!”

“remember, speak for your yourself,” nj mutters.

“oh, so you don’t like him?”

“no- i-i do! just, we agreed that—”

jk looks at them, his mind racing. words deserting him.

“i like you too,” nj says quietly. “i don’t know if it ever went away.”

jm looks down. jk wets his lip. “what about you two?” he hears himself ask.

“of course,” jm snaps. “it’s not an either or situation. we can do both. we’ve talked about it and we want both.”

jk swallows. looks at them. they’re being dead serious. honest.

“that doesn’t change the fact that we have a child, you two are engaged and your mother is insane,” he says pointing his finger at nj at the last part.

nj sighs. “i know,” he says.

nj huffs. “fine, just let /me/ deal with my mother,” he says. “and about the engagement, ah, i meant it earlier. we’re taking it slow. and i want to take our relationship with you slow too.”

“so you, what? want to take me out on dates?”

“yes,” jm says softly. “basically.”

jk heaves, lets his eyes drift up. “i can’t believe i’m in this situation right now. literally never in my wildest dreams did i imagine.”

jk looks back at them. at beautiful jm. at his nj. he sighs. “i like you, obviously,” he tells jm.

nj smiles at that and jm looks like he’s about to cry but jk thinks it’s a good thing.

“i still don’t think it can work, though,” he says. “there’s too much at stake.”

jk shakes his head. “how can i know that? things between us two already went so wrong we stopped talking for five years,” he says. “who’s to say it won’t happen again?”

“we are both adults now,” nj says.

“we just want to try it out,” jm says quietly, fiddling with his earring and looking down. “it feels like something too big, too meaningful to let go of.”

“mine too,” jm says.

nj nods. “me too,” he says. “say we can try, jk. we’ll take it slow. we won’t jump into bed, okay? we can take you out.”

nj and jm don’t say anything. jk sighs.

“can i just think about it? i don’t want to make you wait but i can’t just dive into this.”

“can we still hang out with binna? like, in the meantime?” nj asks.

jk nods. “yeah. but it doesn’t come up then. even if i say i want to try this, it can’t come up when we’re with binna. we keep it separate, like you said.”

“and she finds out you’re her father on my terms.”

nj nods. “okay.”

jk sighs. “okay. so we think about it.”

“we think about it,” jm says.

jk is still a little cautious, still feels a little like a third wheel. but he supposes he gets it. they’ve been dating for a while. jk just came into their lives. back into nj’s life?

so he pushes aside for now.

so they eat dinner.

and he thinks of being surrounded by them. being kept safe in their arms. and jk wants it. against all reason, he fucking wants it. and it’s been so long since he’s wanted something for himself.

or just give in? give in, give in, give in, something begs and thrashes inside his chest as he finally gives in to sleep.

and it’s fine, isn’t it? he said he’d think about it.

but he doesn’t feel any closer to reaching a decision.

he knows what he wants. he just doesn’t know how to ask for it.

so he tries to ignore it for the next few days.

he continues talking to jm and nj on a regular basis. they just avoid talking about /it/. and it’s nice of them, he supposes, that they’re not pressuring him.

jm and nj laid out their feelings and their intentions, the least jk can do is do the same.

“really we’re just going to this party nj was invited to and none of us want to go so we’re just making an appearance. half an hour tops,” jm says.

jk swallows. “just the two of you?”

“well, and you,” jm says. “if you wanted.”

“is it like, um.”

“it doesn’t have to be anything you’re not ready for,” jm rushes to say. “just drinks.”

“just drinks,” he repeats.

“ah, yeah. it’s been rough actually.”

“oh, jk-ah,” jm lilts, his voice dipping into sympathy. “you should let go a bit. come out, have fun.”

jk looks at him. jm is smiling brightly, prettily at him. jk is done for.

jm smiles brighter. jk blushes.

“i’ll just take binna home and see if th can watch her. i feel bad just dropping her off with him all the time.”

“you barely even do it, jk-ah. and he’s always happy to spend time with her.”

jk bites his lip. “right.”

jk blushes too. “okay,” he rushes to say. “it’s okay. i’ll talk to th. you’ll pick me up?”

jm nods, face still pink. “y-yeah.”

jm laughs too, flustered, pink and then sends him and binna on their way.

———

he is breastfeeding his pup. sj is sitting on the floor folding laundry. binna watches him and tries to imitate what he’s doing with one of the baby’s onesies.

“i haven’t dated in a while,” jk confesses.

“all the more reason to do it,” th says.

jk looks at binna. “binna?”

“mm?”

“are you okay with staying here for the night?”

jk gapes. “excuse me?”

th laughs. “it’s just because hyung will let her have more than one cookie before bedtime.”

“hey!” sj yelps. “don’t rat us out.”

jk sighs. “okay, then,” he says. “but no more than two cookies,” he tells sj.

sj doesn’t look at him, just waves a hand in imitation to binna.

jk laughs.

———

and it’s odd, because it’s definitely not like any date jk has ever been on, but there is still something insistently familiar about it.

it’s nj after all.

they still fumble a little, climbing out of the car and walking inside side by side. jk knows nj likes to slip an arm around his partner’s back when he walks, he used to do it with jk and he’s noticed him doing it with jm a few times.

now he walks with jm and jk on each side of him and jk can see his hands almost twitching to reach out as they walk into the party.

someone nj sometimes works with. not exactly a friend, he says.

nj introduces them to the guy as just jm and jk. and yet—

“jm? the boyfriend, right?” the guy asks.

jm plasters a smile on and nods.

“oh, yes,” nj fumbles to say. “jk’s, uh, my. um.”

“ex-boyfriend, actually,” jk supplies.

jm purses his mouth. “or maybe it’s just a your boyfriend thing.”

“anyway, where’s the bar?” jm asks, scanning the room.

“you don’t have to introduce yourself like that,” nj tells jk.

“well, yeah, but you’re other things, too.”

“like what? you really want me going around saying i’m the father of your kid so your mother catches wind of it?”

nj winces. “well, no. not yet. but—”

they order drinks and then nj introduces them to more people and each time, it’s awkward. jk being there with jm and nj a concept no one can grasp, apparently.

“he’s our date, actually,” jm pipes in, around the sixth time nj has to introduce them, after he’s had a few drinks. “we’re trying to date him.”

“nj, can we go now?”

nj smiles politely at the women and excuses them, as jm starts walking towards the door. nj and jk follow.

“jm? darling?” nj asks, worried, kneeling down. jk hovers over them, not knowing what to do.

jm lifts his head. “sorry,” he says. “i got overwhelmed.” he looks up at jk. “are you okay?”

“me?” jk gapes.

“which part?”

jm shrugs. “the part where other people exist and are nosy as shit.”

nj swallows. “i’m sorry too,” he says.

“you’re not,” nj and jm say at the same time.

“i don’t really mind introducing you as our date, if you’re okay with that,” nj says. “it’s only that—”

nj winces. “i promise i’ll talk to her, i’ll—”

“yeah, yeah,” jm says, and stands up, ever so gracefully. “can we go somewhere else?”

nj nods and gets up too, then extends his hand for jk to take. jk takes it.

“anyway, your rich friends are all assholes,” jm says, leaning back on his chair with a drink in his hand.

jm raises an eyebrow. “friends are we?”

nj blushes. “not you two in particular i mean you guys like, you know, yg and hs—”

nj’s blushes harder. he wets his lip. “i-i mean, i hope we are i-in friendly terms but i also hope that we, um.” he huffs.

jk smiles just as jm laughs.

“i’m just teasing,” jk mutters.

that makes nj smile too. “right,” he says and looks down. “i know we shouldn’t but it’d be nice to sort of skip this part.”

“we already know each other, though, it’s just an awkward bit,” nj says.

“we don’t know /everything/ about each other,” jm says. “jk-ah, what’s your favorite color?”

“aish, don’t brag,” jm says.

jk smiles. “i like purple.”

“that’s cute,” jm says. “mine’s coral.”

nj smiles, lopsided, single dimple popping out. “just say orange.”

jm gapes. “it’s not just orange! it’s a specific shade of—”

“yes, god, he’s so annoying,” jm says after he catches his breath.

“i’m not shaming you,” nj says. “i just think you’re cute.”

“god,” jm scoffs, rolling his eyes. he’s blushing, though.

it’s short lived. jm is soon slipping a hand and gently curling it around jk’s knee. jk swallows.

“jk-ah, tell us something none of us know about you,” he asks softly.

and jk struggles to come up with something for a whole minute, because is there really anything nj wouldn’t know?

“it’s okay, you don’t have to,” nj says, gentle.

jk looks up and finds both nj and jm smiling at him. he blushes. “i stopped once binna was old enough and kept wanting to play with the sets. i was so scared she would choke on something.”

jk nods. “yeah, i might.”

“see? it’s nice,” jm says, resting his head on jk’s shoulder. he’s drunk. “getting to know each other.”

jm lifts his head and they both nod.

“that painting,” he starts. “of the little fat child you still have in your living room. i hate it.”

“i told you i liked it because you were so excited about it,” jk goes on.

“it’s the first painting i bought with my own money.”

“i know. so i told you i liked it.”

“yes,” nj says. “you do.” he’s still looking at jk. “did you like /any /of my paintings?”

jk winces. “well.”

jm laughs again. nj is quiet for a moment.

they drink and talk more after that. and jk feels looser and warmer and warmer and looser as they go.

jm never removes his hand from his knee, and he thinks nj might be leaning in closer to them

jm is telling them about some guy he dated in college that thought jm was too old to have a favorite color and then somehow the conversation shifts to jk.

“so you haven’t, um.”

“ignore him he’s just being a pervert,” jm says.

“hey,” nj whines.

“no, i want to know why you want to know so bad,” jk says.

jk can’t help the smirk. he always liked it when nj got drunk enough for this particular brand of horny honesty.

jm smiles. his hand finally gets bolder, sliding a little up his thigh.

he leans so much closer into jk’s space. “do you want to call it a date?” he purrs.

“i don’t think it matters,” jk says. “it feels like one.”

“it does,” nj confirms.

jm hums.

jk smiles again. “i haven’t,” he says.

“haven’t what?”

“fuck.”

jk hums. “the timing hasn’t been right, i guess.”

nj’s scent thickens and they get a few looks.

they don’t get kicked out.

but it’s not long before they decide to leave the bar and walk the few blocks back to nj and jm’s house.

so jk takes it. he’s cold too, and he’s drunk and he needs that something to hold on to.

nj is a few feet away frowning down at his phone, hooking it to the speaker and picking out a playlist.

“of course,” jm says, pulling out a bottle of mineral water from the mini fridge. “nj?”

“same,” he says so jm pours two glasses for them.

really, he’s terrified.

and nj and jm seem to understand it. so they wait.

nj chuckles. “you hate it that much?”

“i think now it just reminds me of, ah. before.”

“so yes?”

jk laughs. “i don’t know. i-it’s not like that.”

“why would it make her cry? it’s cute!”

“it’s not. it’s demonic,” he says, coming back with his glass filled and the rest of the bottle in his other hand.

“it’s fine,” he assures nj. “jk, your hair looks so pretty like that. i kept meaning to tell you,” he says, sliding closer to jk.

“thanks,” jk says quietly, blushing and looking down.

jm smiles. “do you always get this shy?” he asks, glances at nj.

“um.” jk looks back at nj too.

he shrugs. “you were always shy until you weren’t and i didn’t know what hit me.”

jm’s nose twitches. he smiles. “what are you thinking about?”

jm bites his lip around a smile. he glances at nj. jk looks back too.

he’s sprawled on the armchair watching them, eyes dark. scent impossibly darker. it fills the room, jk’s lungs.

“he wants me to kiss you,” jk says, looking at jm in the eye. and sure enough, nj’s scent gets thicker.

a little more desperate than he’s proud of. but he can’t help it.

he wants to kiss jm until he can’t forget the taste of him.

“easy,” jm pants, breaking the kiss. “i- i won’t be able to stop myself if we keep going like this, baby.”

/stop yourself from what/, jk wants to ask. but he can smell jm’s arousal, his slick, heavy on his tongue.

jm gasps. “oh baby,” he purrs. jk can feel his hips twitch, thrust forward. “sorry,” jm mutters. “nj’s already hard.”

“i can stop myself,” nj says. “i won’t move unless you ask me to.”

nj doesn’t move for a long moment. just looks at jk, then at jm and back at jk.

finally, he gets up. he is definitely hard.

“just kissing?” nj asks, voice coarse, but careful, gentle still.

jk hesitates, and finally nods. nj nods back in understanding.

he distantly feels jm shifting, hears him pouring himself more to drink.

jk doesn’t care though, he’s clinging onto nj’s shirt, drinking him in.

jk knows he’s slicking through his underwear, that his body is prepared for way more than just kissing.

so he breaks the kiss. chest heaving, hand still clutching nj’s shirt.

jm presses against his back then and kisses his neck and soon he can hear him and nj kissing above him. it’s so hot. but it’s also so— familiar. intimate in a way jk can’t describe. and it hits him, hard.

jk shifts, lets his hand relax to where it’s just gently placed above nj’s heart, which is beating fast. he rests his head against nj’s shoulder and watches them kiss.

he bites his lip.

and slick is gushing out of him, and he can smell jm’s slick too, very present. and feel nj’s hard dick against his leg.

they go on until jk doesn’t feel as drunk, until jm is dozing off from how drunk /he/ is.

jk himself is splayed against nj’s chest, a lot of his buttons undone somewhere along their make out session. so beyond relaxed. he hums.

“baby, c’mon, do i look like i want you to leave?”

“no,” he says.

nj smiles and leans in to kiss him again, slow, sweet. “you can stay,” he mutters. “i want you to.”

jk bites his lip. glances at jm, shifting in his sleep.

“i know,” he says. “it scares the shit out of me too.”

jk opens his eyes and tries to sit up, careful not to wake jm. nj sits up too and helps settle jm down against a pillow instead. jm accepts it easily.

jk smiles down at him. reaches out to brush the hair off his face. so pretty.

“does he do this often?”

“what? drink until he passes out? not really,” he says. “i mean, not recently. back in college it was a whole thing. a bad one. maybe he’ll talk to you about it sometime.”

nj nods. “and then i worry that i’m overwhelming him with it,” he says. “i don’t want him to think i don’t trust him.”

“i’m sure he knows you mean well,” jk says.

so they walk over to the bar, where nj pours the rest of the bottle for them.

‼️

“i really missed you,” he says. “i never thought i’d get to have you again.”

“me too,” he says. “but we’re here now, right?” he looks up at nj and nj smiles.

jk hums. “i can,” he says with a smile.

“oh boy.”

“your haircut back then. right before we broke up,” he says.

nj chuckles. “now you’re just being mean.”

jk laughs. “you looked handsome. you always look handsome,” he says. “it was just an awkward haircut”

jk hums. “you were,” he says softly. “you were so cool. it was bold. and you were so confident that you pulled it off. i loved that about you. so it didn’t really feel like lying when i said i liked it,” he says.

nj eyes him, gaze piercing into him. “can i kiss you again?”

jk swallows. “just kissing?” he asks, mimicking nj from earlier.

“wanna get jm in bed?” nj asks, a little breathlessly. jk gets it.

he just nods and nj gets jm from the couch.

the bed is neatly made, but it still smells of both of them and looks cozy and warm and jk doesn’t want to invade.

jk relaxes. “okay. um, do you think i can shower before?”

“sure, baby,” nj says, already looking through the drawers. “there are clean towels in the bathroom.”

“you didn’t have to wait up,” jk mutters.

nj smiles. “it’s okay,” he says, putting the book away, and extending an arm for jk to take.

jm is curled around a pillow. he’s wearing an oversized t-shirt and his makeup has been wiped off.

jk blushes. “sorry. you’re just so pretty.”

nj is settling against jm’s back. and jk thinks if only binna were here, he’d feel complete.

it’d be home. a proper nest. everything jk hasn’t allowed himself to want.

jk stirs awake, quickly registering he’s not home, last night coming back to him all at once. he jumps up.

“binna,” he says, already looking for his phone.

“jk,” nj says. jk turns and sees him coming into the room with a cup of coffee.

“baby, it’s okay,” nj says. “i talked to th, they have her. she’s gonna make blueberry pancakes with sj. she’s fine.”

“jk,” nj says softly, sitting on the edge of the bed next to him.

“th called you?”

nj shakes his head. “i called him. just to check on them.”

“um,” nj says, after a second when jk doesn’t say anything. “d-did i overstep? i’m—”

“no! no, it’s good. thanks. thank you.”

nj smiles. “here,” he says, and pulls an aspirin from his pocket. “i’ll bring you water.”

jk whines and grabs the aspirin and the cup of coffee from him, drinking it down with it.

nj is looking at him with poorly disguised disgust.

“sorry,” jk says, giving him back the coffee cup.

“you’re good,” he says. “do you feel better?”

nj smiles. “okay, baby.”

jk grunts in response and soon he’s drifting back to sleep.

———

that’s the second thing he notices.

the first thing he notices is the smell. arousal, sex, slick. his own slick and also—

“jm, s-slow down.” nj is whimpering.

nj is lying flat on his back on the bed, jm is not sleeping next to jk anymore. jk can only see the jimin-shaped lump under the bedsheet moving over nj’s body.

nj freezes when he sees jk is awake.

“jm,” he hisses. “stop.”

they’re both staring at jk.

“you don’t have to stop, i-i can, um.”

leave? help? watch?

“um.”

“w-we don’t have to do this,” nj says, reaching out to cover his lap with his hands.

“you don’t want to?” he makes himself ask. “with me?”

“we do!” they rush to say in unison.

“you said you wanted to take it slow, though,” nj says sheepishly. “we didn’t mean to pressure you, jm is just a menace.”

“of course i was! but it’s not—”

“fuck taking it slow,” jk says. that shuts them up.

jm shoots him a worried glance.

jk huffs. “just suck his dick already,” he says. “make it quick, we have to be at th’s for lunch,” he says, unthinkingly cupping himself over his pajama pants, just to relieve some of the pressure.

“are you gonna touch yourself while i do it?” he asks, batting nj’s hands away to mouth at his dick again. nj gasps.

jk bites his lip. examines them both, then nods. “can i?”

“yes, fuck,” nj mutters.

nj groans, his hand flying to the back of jm’s head.

not wanting to ruin any more of the pants he borrowed, jk slides them all the way off and slips his hand between his legs. he’s soaked.

nj moves the hand that was clutching the sheets and slides it down jk’s back.

desperate for friction, jk thrusts a little against nj’s hip. nj all but growls.

and fuck if nj does still know all the right spots to touch and have jk squirming.

jm doesn’t let nj come, though, pulling off when nj gets close. nj grunts in protest.

“wait just a bit, babe,” jm tells him, voice coarse.

it’s all so hot.

and it feels so right. doesn’t feel fast or rushed. just natural.

it’s still scary, if jk thinks too hard about it. but he’s not. he won’t.

they’re at the playground after having had lunch.

“yeah, well,” jk says. and just leaves it at that.

th doesn’t try to hide his smirk.

jk catches up to jm and nj a few nights a week, or whenever he’s working from home and can take a break, he’ll text them and they’ll come over before jk can even finish showering, and they fuck.

it’s like he’s making up for all the years he’s spent not having sex. it’s fucking good and it appeals to instincts jk has been ignoring for so long. and it surprises him outside of heat, but he /enjoys/ it.

“you feel that?” nj almost growls.

he’s fucking jk from behind, and frantically moving his hand across jk’s lower belly. “i’m filling you so good, baby.”

“you like that?” he mewls. “feeling his cock all the way up to your tummy?”

“inside, sweetheart? i can? you’ll let me spill inside you, omega?”nj asks. “feels so good.”

“please.”

it doesn’t take long for nj to come.

later, when they’re all wrapped around each other, jk notices nj keeps eyeing jk’s stomach.

the talk and the feeling of nj’s come pumping in, then sliding out of his pussy is hot and all, but he doesn’t want to take any chances.

jm laughs. “will you show us the photos again, jk-ah?”

jk blushes but reaches out for his phone and searches for the photos. he hands the phone to nj.

it’s just him standing in front of a mirror, usually in his pajamas, puckering up his lips for the photo.

jm smiles without removing his eyes from the screen. “will you control yourself? these are /cute/.”

and just as the words leave his mouth, nj scrolls past the month nine photo,

“ah, sorry, those are, um,” he fumbles for words, resists the urge of snatching the phone away.

“holy shit,” nj whispers, as he scrolls and there are more photos of jk posing provocatively in front of the mirror. “who were you sending these to?”

“no one!” jk is quick to say.

“i mean, i don’t know. just guys i texted with,” he relents. “just because i didn’t sleep with anyone doesn’t mean i wasn’t horny as shit.”

nj swallows, looking back at the phone. “shit,” he says again.

jk hums. “a little, yeah. the hormones were fucking crazy,” he says,

“you know, i think it’s really hot, obviously,” nj says.

jk looks away. he doesn’t really like when the conversation drifts into the break up. “you can still have it, though,” he says.

that just makes it more awkward.

jm looks at him. “you think i want to have kids?” it’s not mean, or ill-intended, really. again, just curious.

“oh, i-i don’t really know,” jk says. “sorry. for assuming.”

“we’re still undecided,” nj says.

nj’s jaw goes tense. “what would you call it, then, jm? i’m being respectful of /your/ boundary.”

jm turns to look at him, his face has gone tense too.

jm shakes his head. “it’s fine,” he looks down at his hands. “i do want to have pups.”

“you do?” nj asks.

“i’m not saying you haven’t,” nj says. “it’s just that you’ve never said it like that. there’s always been conditions to it.”

jk swallows, feeling very uncomfortable. it’s clearly an ongoing discussion for them

they both notice it seems, because they turn to look at jk.

“jk, please, don’t worry about it,” jm says.

nj doesn’t seem to entirely agree but he doesn’t say anything. so they leave it at that.

they get up and get dressed, preparing to go back to their daily routines.

“ah, before i forget,” nj tells them when they’re all gathering their stuff. jk and jm turn to look at him.

“what? why are you just telling me this?” jm asks, he’s gone very still next to jk.

“she just called me about it this morning,” nj says.

“what?”

“i’m gonna tell her, jm,” nj says. jk goes very still too.

“about the wedding,” nj rushes to say, then. “not about binna. not yet.”

there’s a long pause. jm is not looking at nj. just at the floor.

nj shakes his head. “i know her. she’ll be upset. she says hurtful things when she’s upset. you don’t need to hear it.”

“how are you going to explain it to her?”

“i’ll tell her it’s none of her business.”

jk snorts. “you won’t.”

“and you think she’ll accept that?”

“jm,” nj says. “i am asking you to trust me with this.”

jm purses his lip. “okay,” he says after a long moment, running a hand through his hair.

“jm, darling,” nj says. that makes jm look at him. “say you trust me with this.”

jm actually looks torn, as he examines nj. finally, he sighs, giving in. “i trust you.”

jk shrugs. “if that’s what you want,” he says. “but she can’t come near binna if she’s gonna be mean.”

“of course not.”

they all kiss goodbye after that. and none of it comes up until saturday, when jm shows up at his door.

jk decided to just cook a nice, simple lunch for him and binna at the apartment.

she’s been spending so much time with th and sj and the pup and jm and nj and sometimes hs and yg join them too. and jk might be starting to feel like he’s not enough for her.

she’s even starting to warm up to nj.

jk has just put her down on her bed, when jm rings.

“of course,” jk says, letting him in. “is his mother at the house?”

jm hums. “yeah.”

“did you see her?”

jk snickers. “yeah, we ate lunch on there.”

“is she asleep?”

he nods. “are you hungry?”

jm smiles softly at him. “yeah.”

jm laughs slurping on a noodle. “jk-ah, what.”

jk smiles, and leans in to wipe sauce off the corner of jm’s mouth with his thumb. “sorry.”

jk nods. “no problem,” he says, the leans back into the couch a little, getting comfortable. “are you nervous? about nj’s mother?” he asks after a while. he can sense some type of distress in jm’s scent.

jm turns to him, eyes round. “like, my scent? what does it smell like?”

“ah, like you’re worried?”

jm relaxes a bit at that. he nods. “yeah, um. so i have a pregnancy test in my bag.”

“yeah, ah, i wasn’t feeling great this week so i went for a checkup and my doctor thought i should take one. she wanted to do a blood test but i didn’t want— i wanted to do it here instead. with you.”

jm slides down the couch a little, he sighs. “did i attract this?”

“no,” jk says immediately. “it just happens, hyung.”

“jm,” jk says, dropping to the floor and positioning himself in front of jm, taking his face in his hands. “you’re young. you have time to do this right if you want to.”

“hyung. let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”

it all reminds jk of the time he had to take his own pregnancy test. how things turned out then.

he pushes it out of his mind.

jm bites his lip.

jm grunts and gets up.

“i got all the kinds,” he says, opening his bag and dropping about five pregnancy tests on the couch. jk blinks at them. “i just want to be sure,” jm says.

jm giggles. “i drank four cans of soda on the way over. i’m actually bursting right now.”

a smile spreads across jk’s face. he gestures towards the bathroom.

“what are you laughing at?” jm pouts from inside. “you know, i actually need you to come in.”

“yeah, it’s too many of them. i didn’t think this through.”

so jk goes in. he takes the warm pee-filled cups from jm to drop the pregnancy tests in. it’s weird how it’s not really weird or gross or awkward at all.

“do you usually pee sitting down?” jk asks, just for something to say when he’s taking the third cup.

“yeah, maybe this would’ve been easier if i was standing,” he says. “you think that’s weird?”

jm hums. “it’s tidier. i keep telling nj.”

jk smiles. “so did i.”

jm smiles back, and then he’s done. they wash their hands and they wait in silence.

jm jumps a little.

“can we both look?”

jk nods. “of course,” he says and before the words are out, jm is already taking one of the tests.

“negative,” he says.

jk swallows and takes another one. “negative.”

“negative.”

“negative, too,” jk says.

jm nods, not looking at jk and leans against the bathroom tile. jk grabs the last test. “it’s also negative,” he says quietly.

“hyung, are you okay?”

jm nods. doesn’t say anything. jk just stands there.

“ah, do you want to go back to the couch? sit down? i’ll clean all of this up.”

“of course. i won’t,” he says.

jm nods again and walks out of the bathroom.

when jk joins him, jm is just sitting on the couch staring into the distance. jk slides next to him carefully.

jm’s eyes focus on him. “it’s just a very odd feeling, isn’t it? thinking you might be— and then just not. it feels like a very big responsibility to just even be able to conceive a-and bring life,” he says.

jk nods. “i get it. and the instincts don’t help.”

jm huffs out a laugh. “fucking breeding instincts. sometimes i don’t know if it’s me that really wants it. kids and the whole thing.”

“i know,” jm says.

“and i’m sorry if i’ve made it worse w-with the breeding thing.”

“no! oh my god, no,” jm hurries to say, leaning in to brush his fingers across jk’s forehead.

jk hesitates a second before he says anything else. but jm came to him with this. he trusts jk. it makes jk giddy and that thing on the tip of his tongue weigh heavier.

“has the pups thing been a problem between you two?”

jm sighs. “i never considered it a problem, but i guess it might be? you see, nj wants kids. i don’t know if back then when he was with you he talked about it or maybe he wasn’t ready then.

jk swallows. “you won’t ever have to,” he says firmly. “nj would be there. i could be there if you want me to.”

jm smiles softly at him. “thank you, jk-ie,” he says quietly.

jk’s throat feels tight. “yeah.”

jm looks at him, eyes tender and just a little sad. jk has to wet his lip.

and jk feels like maybe throwing up, or maybe just telling him what’s on the edge of his tongue, which in his head sounds a lot like /i love you/, but then one of their phones is ringing.

“nj?”

jm nods. “he’s coming over,” he says. “that’s okay, right?”

“yeah, of course,” jk says. “are /you/ okay with it?”

jk smiles and lets jm pull him down on top of him and into a kiss.

they trade lazy kisses like that until nj arrives and lets himself in with the spare key jk gave them.

jk parts from jm’s mouth to look at him.

“may i?” he asks.

jm smiles, rolling his eyes, before extending his arm to gesture him over. nj smiles wider.

jk’s couch isn’t as big as nj’s so they fumble a bit, the couch creaking.

they kiss more, sweet and tame for a while and then jm pushes nj away to look at him. “what happened with your mother?” he asks. “don’t think you can distract me with kisses.”

“how’d she react?” jk asks.

nj sighs and drops his head against the armrest. “she was… disappointed. but i told her it was for the best right now, so.”

“so?” jm prompts.

“did she blame it on me?” jm asks.

nj doesn’t look at him. “she blamed it on me actually,” he says quietly.

jm’s brow tilts down in sympathy. “was she very mean?”

“i don’t like that she thinks she can talk to you the way she does while you just sit there and take it, though,” jm says. “nj, next time i should be there, i think.”

“appa?” binna’s little, sleepy slur comes then. jk fumbles to sit up, tries to get up from the couch without hurting jm or nj.

“binna, sweetheart,” he says. “you’re up.”

“what are you doing?” she asks, she’s standing at her doorway.

“we’re— we’re just—”

binna hesitates just a second. then she nods and runs over to them, quickly climbing on the couch, over them, digging her tiny knees and elbows into them. jk catches nj wincing when she steps on his thigh. jk snickers.

finally, she plops down, halfway on top of jk.

“appa made japchae,” she says. “did you eat lunch?” she asks nj and jm.

nj smiles. “we did,” he says. “i’m sorry i wasn’t here to eat wit you.”

“where were you?”

“i was with my mom,” he says.

nj smiles wider. “yes we can,” he says. “what do you have in mind?”

“can we get bungeoppang from downstairs and bring it back to the picnic?”

binna nods. “have you seen finding dory?”

nj shakes his head. “what is it about?”

“binna, your coat,” jk says, jumping off the couch when binna is already heading towards the door. she looks at him and pouts. “and your boots,” jk reminds her.

he turns back to look at jm. he’s also noticed.

he looks overwhelmed with it, too. jk offers up a smile. jm just smiles back.

they continue having good progress. with binna. and between the three of them. blissful, simple winter days.

jk still senses tension sometimes between nj and jm, and he worries about things falling apart, but then he catches these moments between them.

and jk isn’t jealous.

jk was always so open about his love for nj back then, but now all he does is overthink and worry.

what if they don’t feel the same way?

ultimately, jk can be okay with just having them in bed when he can.

it’s easy to provoke them, rile them up until they have to take turns fucking jk into the mattress.

it’s easy to watch fondly as binna tells nj about what she recently learned at school about dinosaurs and evolution,

it’s easy to just let the flow take him. it’s easy and it’s good.

“my parents are coming for a few days,” he says. “i have to book them a hotel.”

jk raises an eyebrow. “i haven’t even told them that you’re back in our lives.”

“what better way to introduce him back than with a room in a five star hotel,” jm mutters. his eyes are still closed against the pillow.

“do they hate me?” nj asks.

“a little, yeah,” jk says. “but they’ll respect you as binna’s father.”

“not as… um, what this is?”

“we should know how to call it,” jm says very quietly against jk’s neck. both jk and nj pretend not to hear him.

jk even starts to think that there might be nothing to worry about, up until there is, and the thing they can’t name splits at the seams.

“is she asleep?” nj asks, voice quiet.

jk nods, running a gentle hand over binna’s back.

nj leans in to grab the remote and lower the tv’s volume,

“what is it?”

“ah, yeah, um. i saw my mom today,” he starts. jk freezes, looks up at him. “she, ah. she knows. about binna.”

“you told her?” jm asks, a little too loud.

“oh my god,” jm says.

jk doesn’t say anything, doesn’t move. his grip on binna might’ve gone a little tighter.

“i’m sorry,” nj says.

“what does she want?” jk hears himself ask.

nj eyes him for a second then sighs. “she wants us to come for dinner tomorrow,” he says. “just the three of us. binna doesn’t have to be there.

“the three of us?” jk asks.

nj nods. “yeah. she said she wants to have a chance to understand this.”

jk scoffs. “and you believed that?”

nj sighs. “listen, i know what she’s put you through.

jm and jk are quiet.

for as long as jk has known nj, he’s sought his mother attention, her approval. even when he’s pretended otherwise. jk always felt something a little like pity for nj.

“i don’t want her to know binna,” jk says. “i don’t want her to get hurt.”

nj nods. “i know. i don’t want that either,” he says.

jm rests his head back against the couch, looking up at the ceiling and sighs. “i love you. you know i’ll do it,” he says,

jk fumbles a little under both of their gazes. “fine,” he says. “but i won’t be polite.”

jm laughs. “please don’t.”

nj grins and leans in to press a kiss to jk’s temple.

jk gives him a little smile. a genuine one.

“i also said yes,” jm pouts from the floor. nj smiles and leans down to kiss jm too.

“i love you,” he tells jm.

jk’s smile drops.

the house, big ass mansion, really, brings bad memories and a lot of anxiety for jk.

jm slips his hand into jk’s once they get out of the car.

jk makes himself smile and nods.

“we won’t be long,” nj says. “if she gets out of line, we leave right away, okay?”

jk nods again. they discussed this.

but that’s not what they’re here for. it’s about binna.

they are greeted at the door by the housekeeper who takes their coats from them, and very pointedly escorts them to the living room.

“you wouldn’t know i fucking grew up here,” nj mutters.

she leaves them in the living room and walks out.

it’s another five minutes before jk can sense nj’s mother’s pungent scent. he goes very tense.

“mom,” nj warns.

“it’s just an observation,” she says, dragging her eyes all over jk. “let’s go to the dining room,” she says and turns away.

nj sighs and follows her. jm and jk go along.

finally, she turns to look at jm. “you look lovely tonight, jm,” she says.

she examines him for a long moment, eyes squinting. “you’re really okay with all this?”

jm’s smile falters. “w-with what?”

she gestures towards jk, nj.

jk closes his fists tightly under the table.

“mom,” nj starts.

jk’s nails are digging painfully into his palms.

“i’m also sleeping with them, eomeonim,” jm says before nj or jk can speak.

and it’s not at all what they discussed, but it’s so much like jm to just fly off and say whatever will spark the reaction he wants.

nj curses under his breath and drops his face into his palm. jk doesn’t move, he feels like he can’t.

“no, no i’m not, actually,” nj says lifting his head, sparing a single glare at jm. “that’s our personal business.

nj’s mother hums, she looks at jk again. “i want to see a dna test,” she says.

jk blinks at her. “fine?”

“what? no,” nj says.

“you might blindly go along with this but i won’t, nj,” she says.

“i don’t care,” nj starts.

“it’s fine,” jk says. “i won’t let her call me a liar—”

“no,” nj says, a growl seeping through. “no one is pinching my— binna.

“of course i do,” she hisses.

“don’t talk about them like that.”

“i saved you once from it, i won’t hesitate to do it again,” she finishes,

jk swallows. “what does that mean?” he asks, turning to nj.

“nothing,” nj grits. he looks at his mother. “you didn’t save me. you nearly ruined my life. and this is not what we agreed to now. if you’re not willing to compromise,

she slams a palm against the table. they all jump. “don’t threaten me,” she says.

finally, nj speaks. “i won’t let that happen,” he says quietly. “i won’t end up like you.”

“nj—”

he gets up from the table. jm and jk are still frozen in place.

“nj, if you walk out right now, you will regret it,” his mother says. “don’t forget who gave you everything you have.

nj is not meeting her eyes. there’s a tear welling up under his eye. jk stands up, jm follows. they wait for nj to move.

“take whatever you want,” nj mutters. he glances up at his mother.

“leave, then” she snarls, with barely contained anger.

nj looks at jm and jk and nods once, before heading towards the door.

jk and jm follow without a word. the alpha scent in the room suffocating, as they leave it behind.

they parked a few steps down the hill, and as nj walks, he’s already fumbling for a cigarette he’s tucked away in the inside pocket of his coat.

“bought it on the way over,” nj mumbles. his face is still wet with tears. “please, jm.”

jm runs his hands through his hair, then waves them over in surrender.

“i’m sorry,” nj says, stopping just in front of jm’s car.

jk licks his lip and grabs the lighter from him.

“thanks,” nj says, taking a drag and sniffling again. “i’m sorry.”

“stop apologizing for her,” jm says.

“i brought you here. i’ve let her treat you the way she has. i let her—”

“no,” jm snaps. “it’s human fucking nature to want a normal relationship with a normal, nurturing mother.

nj doesn’t say anything, just takes another drag, looks at the ground.

“what did she mean?” jk makes himself ask. “when she said she saved you before. what did you let her do?”

“it’s not your fault, nj,” jm insists. “she’s been fucking manipulative your whole life. you were barely out of school, you were just a kid. what were you supposed to do?”

jk takes a step back. “what are you talking about?”

“nj,” jk pleads, his chest feeling tight.

jm huffs. “she fucking manipulated him into breaking up with you. she convinced him you two didn’t have a future together, that—”

jm closes his mouth, his jaw going tight.

nj sighs. “i’m sorry—”

“fuck you, nj,” jm says. “we’re here for you. because we care about you. trying to be fucking supportive,

“i know,” nj says, wincing. “i’m sorry, i—”

“whatever. i’m gonna go, you guys need to talk, anyway. take a fucking cab,” he says and walks around the car to the driver’s seat.

“jm, c’mon,” nj pleads.

“i love you but you need to sort this shit out,” he says. “i can stay. wait and—”

“no, you should go,” jk says, voice coarse.

jm’s face falls, goes incredibly soft.

“i’m not mad at you,” jk cuts him off. “you’re right, we need to talk.”

jm doesn’t move, just looks at jk, eyes sad. “and you dont want me here.”

“i think it will be a more productive talk if you’re not,” jk says quietly, looking down.

there’s a long pause. then jm saying, “fine,” his voice breaking and opening the car door again.

this time when it slams shut, jm is inside the car. and then without another glance at them, he’s driving away.

“it’ll be fine,” nj says. “he’s just angry, it’ll pass. i shouldn’t have talked to him that way. but he shouldn’t have told you those things.”

“so you could continue hiding it from me?”

“no, so i could explain it to you the way it happened. not his version of it.”

“i know you do,” nj says. “i don’t like it either, but he’s right. i need to sort this out. i need to be completely honest,

jk nods. “fine, then,” he says, bracing himself.

nj sighs and nods. “fine, then,” he parrots. “so, ah. back then, when we were dating and i was working as my mother’s assistant, she, ah.

nj shakes his head. “that’s the thing. she didn’t want me to marry you. so she kept pilling up work for me, kept introducing me to other people even if i told her i wasn’t interested.”

“but i didn’t budge for the longest time. i loved you. only you. and i thought that was enough, but we kept drifting apart.

“she put it there, nj, she fucking did that.”

“she put some of it there. the rest of it was me not knowing how to talk to you about how i was feeling.

nj pushes a smile, crooked and without humor. “she said you would be better of without me. that you were too young. that you would just grow to hate me. i believed her,” he says. “it’s so easy to believe one’s mother.

jk thinks about it. about how his own mother, a loving one, will comment on jk’s appearance sometimes.

how easy it’s to believe her then. how easy it’s to let her inside his head.

“i’m so sorry, jk,” nj says. “i’m sorry i let her hurt you. if you allow it, i’ll make sure she never does it again. that she never does it to binna.”

“jk, can i come closer?”

jk nods again.

“you keep saying that you loved me,” jk says, letting what has been on his mind for days slip out. “like it’s something you used to do and n-not—”

nj leans in to kiss jk’s forehead.

jk closes his eyes, lets his head drop forward, tucks his nose in the crook of nj’s neck, letting his scent soothe him. “i love you too,” he whispers. nj’s arms wrap around him. jk hums.

nj hums back. “i’ll live.”

jk glances up at him. “you’ve never called binna your daughter before.”

nj hums back. “well, she is. isn’t she?”

“she is,” jk says, smiling a little against nj’s skin. he pulls away.

nj smiles a little and nods.

they take a cab back to the house and find jm’s car already parked there.

they walk in and find jm curled up in the couch, in the darkened living room. he turns to look at them when they come in.

but then jm is bursting into tears, and nj is stepping forward, opening up his arms for him. “darling.”

and jk’s chest feels a little lighter, but something still doesn’t sit right with him. he still feels awkward and intruding as he watches them.

still he resigns himself, and sighs contentedly into jm’s and nj’s arms.

things with nj and jm have felt tentative, careful, since they went to nj’s mother’s house and jk hasn’t event told his parents about nj. or about jm.

binna is dancing circles around him, excited to see her grandparents after so long.

they wait a while, watching people come out of the train, before jk catches sight of his parents.

binna runs up to them and they lean down to hug her and shower her with kisses. jk smiles and walks up to them. he grabs the suitcases from them.

“oh, you don’t have to do that,” his mother says.

“it’s all good, you can hold binna’s hand instead,” he says, smiling back.

his father hugs him too. “she’s gotten so big,” he says. “you should visit us more often.”

“take some work home!” he says, and as they walk out of the station to get a cab, he tells them about the recent restorations he’s done back at the house.

for a mortifying second, jk thinks she will mention jm or nj, but she doesn’t.

they leave their suitcases at their hotel, a really ostentatious one. jk is embarrassed to even just walk in.

once that’s done,

“maybe binna can stay with us tonight,” his mother is saying.

“yes!” she yelps, bouncing on her chair.

“is your apartment far from here?” his father asks.

“a little, yeah,” he says. which actually means a lot.

“but, um, hs doesn’t live far from here,” he says. which really means nj doesn’t live far from here. “i keep some of binna’s stuff there. i can get it.”

jk tries not to, but he blushes, thinking about getting binna’s stuff from nj’s,

binna yelps again and claps. jk’s mother gives him a way too curious look.

later, when they’ve eaten, binna drags jk’s father to the little playground area outside of the restaurant and jk stays back with his mother.

jk almost chokes on his coffee. “what.”

she chuckles. “i know you,” she says. “you’ve sounded happy over the phone when we’ve talked. plus you’re wearing makeup.”

jk blushes. “ahh, mom, that has nothing to do with it,” jk mutters,

his mother hums. “okay,” she says. “you know, i wouldn’t judge if it were your good friend. he’s really nice and he really cares for binna, i think—”

“wait, who?”

“hs,” she says.

“mom! he’s married!” he croaks.

“mom, it’s not— it’s just an average, good and healthy marriage,” he says, still blinking. “what are you even talking about?”

“aish, i don’t know,” she says.

jk swallows. “yeah? you’d be supportive if i was seeing a mated alpha?”

“well, when you put it that way.”

jk laughs, a little awkwardly, thinking just how close reality came to him seeing a married man. “well, i- i’m not.”

jk blushes and looks down, stirring the little spoon into his coffee for a bit. “um, not exactly,” he says. “i actually wanted to talk to you about that. i mean. about sort of that. i didn’t know how to do it over the phone.”

he chokes out a laugh. “no, no. it’s nothing bad,” he says. “i just don’t want you to be disappointed, i guess.”

“oh, honey, why would i be disappointed? i’d be happy for you. i’d be glad if you’re letting yourself date again.

jk smiles. “right. well, i’m not seeing anyone like that,” he says, lying through his teeth. “but there is someone who—”

“appa!” binna comes yelling, then. “my hands are cold!”

she shoves her tiny hand into his face.

“she lost her glove,” jk’s father says, walking in behind her.

“aish, binna, why did you take it off?” jk asks, already rummaging in her bag to get another pair he packed.

“i’ll get binna’s things and bring them back,” jk is saying.

his father nods. “binna, honey, can you go inside, find something nice to watch on the television?” he asks, sliding his key card into the lock.

“what?” jk asks.

“binna said something to me,” his father starts, gravely. “she mentioned she’s been hanging out with a nj.”

jk groans. “i tried to tell you earlier, before this could happen,” he says.

“is that who you’re seeing? is it the same nj?” his mother asks.

“mom, i told you i’m not seeing anyone,” jk hurries to say. “i mean, n-not like that, at least.”

“it’s a long story,” jk says. “i’ll tell you all of it later, but the gist of it is that, yes. nj is in her life.” his mother opens her mouth. “yes, that nj. her father nj.”

they stare at jk with mirror worried glances.

“what about the dance teacher?” jk’s father asks. “she mentioned a dance teacher.”

they still stare at jk. perhaps even more worried now.

“mom, dad,” he says.

“and you?” his mother asks.

“me? i, ah. i’m good, yeah.”

“oh, honey,” his mother says, reaching out to cup his cheek.

“mom, i’m fine. i promise you, i’m really, really, fine,” he says, taking a step back.

his parents share a look, then turn to him again. they don’t look too convinced but nod, and let him go.

jm lets him climb into the living room couch and settle into his arms. “poor, jk-ie,” he coos. “you’ve been going back and forth all day.”

jk grunts in response.

“do you want a cup of tea?” nj asks.

“aish he doesn’t like tea,” jm says.

nj sits on the other end of the couch. “okay so how’d it go?”

jk does a half a shrug. “i just told them we’re back in touch. and that you and jm are together. they freaked out a little. but they’re just protective.”

“they’ll be okay with you coming over for christmas, though.”

nj and jm usually just spend the day together as a couple. so jk invited them both, so they could be with him and binna.

“just whatever, my mom is cooking,” he says.

jm pouts. “that’s no help.”

jk laughs. “sorry. i can’t think right now. ‘m tired.”

jm coos at him again. “wanna go to bed, baby?”

he hasn’t stayed since that night they went to nj’s mother’s house. jk feels hesitant.

jk shrugs. “i don’t know.”

jm hums leaning down, presses a kiss to jk’s cheekbone. “i wish you could stay every night,” he says softly.

jk lifts his head at that, frowning.

“jm! you’ll spoil it,” nj whines

“spoil what?”

“it’s a surprise,” jm says. “c’mon let’s go to bed.”

jk huffs. “i’m not tired anymore. really, talking about a surprise” jk says.

nj chokes out a surprised laugh. jk blushes.

“hyung, you’re so blunt.”

jm grins. “you like it,” he says.

and jk can’t even lie, he does.

jm does eat him out. nj watches and jerks off.

it’s jk’s favorite position to fall asleep in. he feels so safe. so comforted, when it’s him in the middle.

he also wishes he could stay every night.

christmas comes and jk, again, is nervous.

“what are you gnawing on your lip for?” his father asks from where he’s sitting on the kitchen floor, fixing the leak under jk’s sink.

he made jk wake up at six in the morning to help him get it fixed.

his father clicks his tongue. “you’ve been distracted,” he says. “what’s going on?”

“nothing,” he says again.

jk’s father raises an eyebrow at him. “you’re worse than when you were a teen.”

jk’s father snorts. “yeah, right. work,” he mocks.

jk jumps when he hears the buzzer. he gets a weird look from his mother.

he makes sure to be there to get the door and let them in.

binna perks up when she sees them come in, leaving the game and jk’s father forgotten. ,

“is that for me?”

her eyes sparkle and she’s already making grabby hands at nj. nj smiles wider and hands her the stingray.

she takes it and immediately starts heading to her room.

“binna, say thank you,” jk says. “and you didn’t even say hi to jm.”

“hi, binna-yah,” jm says. “you look lovely today.”

she giggles and twirls in her frilly dress for him just as jk’s father is walking up behind jk. he clears his throat.

immediately, nj bows.

“nj-ssi,” jk’s father says as greeting. “and…”

“park jm, sir,” jm says, bowing too. “it’s so nice to meet you.”

jm smiles and politely follows him into the kitchen as if he hasn’t been in this apartment hundreds of times.

and jk does feel like a teenager because he can’t help but smile and blush. “hi.”

“you look good,” nj says.

jk looks down at himself, the jeans and plain sweater he’s wearing. he grins wider.

“and you don’t?”

jk tries to fight another grin. “no,” he says pointedly. “i wear it because i like it.”

“fair,” nj says, also fighting a smile.

“shut up,” jk says. nj chuckles.

then, his parents and jm are walking outside of the kitchen, bring the food with them to set it on the table.

nj clears his throat. “it’s pretty good, though,” he chirps in. they all turn to him.

“ah, thanks, yeobo,” jm says.

“you /cooked/?” jk asks, incredulous.

jm laughs. “hey, i can cook some things. don’t act so shocked.”

jm smiles at her. “thank you.”

“but you’re not married are you?” jk’s father asks.

“oh, it’s okay,” jm says, smile still plastered on his face. “we’re not.”

jk’s mother plasters on a smile of her own. “you’ll get there too, you’re young,” she says. “shall we eat? where’s binna?”

dinner is nice. it’s a little awkward at first, but then jk’s mother starts telling stories of when jk was binna’s age, to jk’s dismay, but to the enjoyment of everyone else.

jm keeps giggling and giggling.

“he really hasn’t,” jk’s father agrees.

jk’s mother is watching him and jm studiously. it makes jk nervous. “so how was it that this came about?” she asks. “you’re binna’s teacher.”

jm nods.

“and how did you find out?” she asks nj.

nj clears his throat. “we, ah, ran into each other a the grocery store and we sort of went from there.”

“and you don’t have other kids, nj-ssi?”

“how long have you two been together?” jk’s mother asks.

“mom, please,” jk says.

she raises her hands in surrender. “sorry. i’m just genuinely curious.”

“it’s okay,” jm says.

jk’s mother nods. “and, forgive me for asking, but i have to, for my peace of mind. i am a mother.”

jk smiles. “don’t worry about it.”

“you don’t mind? that your partner has a child already?”

jm blinks at her.

“can we please not talk about this now?” jk asks, gesturing at binna, who’s busy eating and pretending to feed her stingray.

“sorry,” his mother says. “i was just being nosy.”

jk from the table still, can hear nj and his father talk about furniture and wood and shit, while they entertain binna’s silliest questions about it.

jk’s mother catches him watching and he blushes, then rolls his eyes at himself.

“jk-ah, you barely ate any dessert,” jm pouts.

jm chuckles. “it’s okay. i won’t make you eat more, jk-ah.”

jk rolls his eyes. he can’t help but smile, though. “no, here, i’ll have another slice.”

it makes jk snicker out loud, how whipped they all are for his daughter, but really it makes him feel all fluttery inside.

his omega is so pleased.

when binna tires out, they take her back to the apartment. she lets nj pick her up, even.

“hey,” jk says quietly when nj straightens up. “i love you.”

nj smiles, checks that the door is still mostly closed and leans in to kiss jk

when they come back out, jk’s mother is showing her phone to jm and jm is smiling down at it.

“mom, what are you doing?”

“i’m showing him pictures of you and newborn binna.”

jm looks up. “they’re so sweet, jk-ah.”

nj smile and nods, sitting down on her other side.

“this one time she barfed all over jk and the photos he’d just developed of her.”

they chat there for a while, then jm and nj offer to drive jk’s parents to their hotel.

jk wishes he could take binna and go home with them. but he doesn’t say anything. just lets them all leave.

they meet them somewhere near their hotel and once they’ve eaten, jk’s mother makes her husband take binna down the road to get hotteok,

after they leave, jk watches her expectantly, bracing himself.

but she just sighs, gets the waiter to bring her more coffee.

“mom,” jk whines. “just get it over with.”

she waits until her cup has been refilled and looks at him.

“what thing?”

“you being so close to him a-and his partner,” she says. “i don’t want you to get hurt again.”

“it’s fine, mom.”

“i don’t think it’s fine, jk,” she says, the worry so heavy in her tone.

“comfortable,” jk repeats.

“yes, you know what i mean,” she says, purses her mouth, then whispers, “d-do you have feelings for him?”

“who?”

“it’s fine, mom,” he repeats.

she huffs. “you should try dating, though. if not your friend, the, ah—”

“the /married/ one?”

“we’re not alone,” he says. “and i don’t need to date. i don’t need to have an alpha at home. i have been taking care of ourselves perfectly fine, mom.

“oh, honey, i am!” she yelps. “i really, am. aish, i just worry.”

“please don’t,” he says. “we’re not alone. you saw nj. he’s a good dad.”

“mom,” he cuts her off. not needing to hear it.

she blinks at him. “what do you mean?”

“i’m— shit,” he fidgets with his knit hat and pulls it down to cover his eyes a bit.

she stares.

jk huffs out a laugh. “you were gonna be supportive of me dating a married man, please remember that.”

“b- but this is different,” she yelps.

“no! it’s not the marriage part, it’s the— how can you— with two people, jk?”

jk blushes and pushes his hat away to stare. “are you asking, like, about sex?”

“i— yeah. i do.”

she shakes her head. “it can’t work, jk-ah. you can’t love two people the same way at once.

“it’s not,” jk says. “it doesn’t feel like a competition. and i do love them. both of them. maybe not in the same way, but i love one as much as i love the other and it doesn’t feel unnatural or like a stretch.

her eyes go soft at that. “you do. you have so much love inside you. that’s why i worry. i feel like you give it away so freely sometimes.”

jk licks his lip, shakes his head.

jk laughs, reaches out to take her hand in his. “just, please, trust me?”

she looks at him and hesitates, and finally sighs. “oh, okay.”

jk smiles, kisses her hand. “it’ll be okay.”

jk looks down, releases her hand. “yeah, okay. thanks for the vote of confidence.”

“i’m just saying,” she says. “i’ll be there for you, no matter what.”

she smiles and takes his hand back in hers. “i love you. please look after yourself.”

he nods. “i will,” he says. “ah, please don’t tell that dad yet?”

she hums. “i won’t, don’t worry.”

“hi jk-ah, miss binna.”

“hi! where’s the pup?” she asks.

“inside. asleep.”

“can we see him?”

“sure! you can keep him company while i’m gone.”

sj nods. “yes, unfortunately. but do go inside. th would love the company.”

“you smell weird,” he says.

“it’s just my parents scents,” he explains.

“ah, how did it go?”

“pretty good, actually.”

th smiles. “i’m glad.”

th gives him a long look. he smiles. “fallen in love have you?”

jk bites his lip and turns to face him. th laughs.

jk swallows and smiles. “thank you, i think i needed to hear that. even if you’re just saying it.”

“it’s scary.”

“i know. but you’ll be okay.”

“okay,” jk says, curling up to th’s side and closes his eyes, willing himself to believe.

the paperwork isn’t as bad as jk expects it to be.

it’s quite simple, actually, nj explains. all nj has to do is assume binna’s paternity. sign some shit.

jk is very sure of it, excited even, for a whole few days, but then it all dawns on him.

“he doesn’t have to be recognized as the father for binna to get her passport,” hs, who’s acting as their legal advisor, tells him. “there’s no need to rush this.”

hs hums. “sure. but you seem hesitant about it.”

“i’m just. nervous? i don’t know why,” he says. and he means it, he can’t pinpoint it.

“jk, baby,” nj says. “it’s okay, we don’t have to do it this way or do it right now.”

jk bites his lip and looks at nj. “i- i don’t know.”

jk nods, thinks about it. “it just feels dishonest,” he mutters.

and that’s it.

“dishonest?” nj asks.

“binna… doesn’t even know.”

“n-not ask. just, tell her,” jk huffs. “y’know. /by the way, uh, nj is your father and he will be legally recognized as such now/,” he says.

“you don’t have to have it right now, jk,” nj says. “it’s just a piece of paper. it will not make any difference to binna.”

nj nods. “okay. it’s okay, we’ll figure it out. we won’t rush this. it’s just a piece of paper,” he repeats. “we don’t need it.”

jk sighs, relieved. “okay. sorry i made you do all this and come all the way here,” he mutters.

jk hums into it, pleased. it’s so easy to get lost into it. always so easy to get lost in the way nj kisses him. so firmly, so thoroughly.

jk and nj turn to look at him. he’s pushing himself off the wall where he was leaning against. he looks mildly annoyed.

jk nods.

“yeah, i’m really sorry, hyung.”

jm sighs. “it’s no problem, jk-ah. i don’t think you should rush it, either. let’s just go home, yeah?”

so they get back into the car, jm at the wheel. it was quite the drive up to the office,

jm barely even talks the whole drive back while nj and jk discuss the passport process and how they should tell binna that nj is her father, all without spoiling the surprise.

as it turns out, jk doesn’t even get to start the conversation with binna.

they’re preparing for bed one night when binna asks.

“are jm and nj mates?”

jk almost chokes on his own spit. “h-honey?”

“are jm and nj mated?” she asks again, more pointedly.

binna frowns in thought. “can they have pups if they’re not mated?”

jk gapes. racks his brain for something to say. “well. t-they love each other. so yes, they can. i-if they want to.”

binna’s frown dips lower.

she takes a deep sigh. “halmeoni said they could have a pup coming.

“what?” jk shrieks. oh, jk will have words with his mother.

she nods. “it’d be nice,” she says. “i’m good at taking care of pups.”

jk nod quickly. “yes you are, baby.”

jk’s eyes go wide. “what?”

she shrugs. “our teacher has a pup in her tummy. she’s mated, like th-ie and sj-ie. and she told us pups are gifts for good mated grown ups,” she says.

jk stares, alarmed. “she— what did she tell you? what did she do?”

“what? binna, when was this?”

“today.”

jk feels furious but he tries not to react, not to scare binna. she’s already looking at him like he might scold her. he releases a single breath.

“i know,” she says. “i was your gift. right?” she seems hesitant and jk hates it.

“yes,” he says firmly. “yes, of course, you are,” he says, quickly, kissing her head.

“i know,” she says again. “we get put in time out all the time. it’s no biggie.”

jk stares, doesn’t even know what to do with that. “how often do you get put in time out?” he asks.

binna shrugs. “i don’t know.”

“how does what work, honey?”

“where does the gift come from?”

she nods.

jk swallows. nods too, his mind racing in fucking circles. he can’t help the nervous little laugh he lets out. “well,” he says.

“i know they grow in your belly,” she prompts. “but /how/?”

jk nods. “well, t-the alpha, um, puts it there,” he says, and immediately winces.

“but you don’t have an alpha,” she says.

shit. shit. shit. “well, i- i had an alpha. once. we weren’t mated, b-but we loved each other, so he put a pup in my belly—”

“me?”

“yes, you.”

“and what happened to the alpha?”

jk swallows. “he had to go for a while”

“go where?”

“okay and how do they do it? put the pup in.”

jk tries not to wince. forces himself to smile, and goes about it as calmly and simply and straightforward as he can.

then he calls nj.

“mm, jk-ah?” his mumble comes tinny through the phone.

“no, no,” he says, a little more firmly. “i was just reading. is everything okay?”

“yes, yeah,” he says. “it’s nothing. we can talk later, tomorrow, when—”

“sweetheart,” nj says, gently. “what is it?”

“yeah,” jk says. “it’s fucking bullshit. i’ll go to the school tomorrow.”

“yes,” nj agrees. “tell them they can fuck all the way off,” he scoffs. “teaching children such archaic fucking crap. d-do you want me to come with you?”

“bullshit,” nj says. “maybe we can look into different schools, i—”

“sorry, it’s just jm.”

jk hums. “tell him hi.”

nj does. “he sayas hi back. he misses you.”

“miss him too. miss you.”

there’s a pause.

“this one’s closest to work, though,” jk says. “it’s easy for pick up.”

jm’s voice again. jk can’t make out what he’s saying, but nj repeats what jk just said out loud.

jk hesitates. “we’ll see.”

“okay, okay. no pressure,” nj says. “what did you tell binna, anyway?”

jk sighs. “she asked how single omegas get pups. i told her i had an alpha. before. and i explained it to her.

“oh, baby.” nj says. “it’s—”

jm’s voice again. but this time, nj cuts him short. “darling, we’re trying to have an important conversation about binna.

jk can hear jm scoffing.

“sorry,” nj says.

“oh, it’s okay,” jk says. “i don’t mind him being in the conversation, really.”

“i know,” nj says. “it’s just— we’re on the /phone/.”

“right.”

“no,” jk says. “thought you should be there when i do.”

“thank you for that.”

jk smiles at the raw sincerity in his voice. “yeah. of course,” he says. “maybe we can do it tomorrow? afters school.”

“yeah,” nj says immediately.

“yes, hyung,” jk says, smiling wider. “let me take care of it.”

“okay, okay,” he says. “i’ll see yo tomorrow, then.”

jk hums. “goodnight, i love you.”

“i love you,” nj says quieter.

nj chuckles. “okay, you’re on speaker.”

“jm?”

“jk-ah,” jm says, voice coming closer.

“goodnight, hyung,” jk says, biting his lip. he can hear jm’s little amused intake of breath.

“goodnight, baby,” he mewls.

“i won’t,” jk says.

then there’s a few kissing noises right up to the speaker which makes jk giggle.

he’s still smiling when he hangs up.

and then the quiet of the room pierces through him. consumes him. his smile drops.

but sometimes he just wonders.

jk closes his eyes, rubs his face with his hands, hoping to rub the intrusive thoughts away, then gets off the couch and walks back to his room.

she’s really young. must be around jk’s age when he had binna. she must still be in her first trimester because she’s not showing much yet.

“jk-ssi,” she says, smiling back. “i saw the note you sent in binna’s backpack. i can talk, just give me a few minutes?”

jk nods. “sure.”

jk looks back at binna, she’s on the other side of the room, busy building a race track with blocks on the floor.

jk clears his throat. “binna told me you put her in time out yesterday,” he starts. “for disagreeing with what you were saying. about mated couples and pups.”

jk quirks an eyebrow at her. “just say whatever it is you want to say,” he grits.

“no, i told them /i/ was mated and so i was granted this gift.”

“that was not binna’s doing,” jk insists, practically shaking with anger now.

she clears her throat. “please don’t curse in my classroom.”

binna doesn’t look up immediately, too caught up in her game. jk clears his throat, opens his mouth again.

“she’s spoiled, jk-ssi,” he teacher says. “i don’t know the full extent of your situation,

jk turns to look at her, jaw clenched, quivering with anger. “we will decide what’s healthy and what’s not at home. just as we will handle personal conversations such as the one you decided to have yesterday.

binna looks up and pouts. “but—”

“now, binna. we’ll be late for lunch, c’mon.”

she heaves and gets up and resignedly walks over to him. “say goodbye to your teacher.”

“are we in trouble, appa?” she asks, just as they’re walking through the hallway.

“what? no, not at all, baby,” he says.

“she didn’t look sorry.”

jk sighs. “aish, binna, you’re too smart for me.”

“you’re smart too, appa.”

jk chokes out a laugh in response.

jk lets go, immediately. “i’m sorry, baby. appa’s sorry,” he says, trying to pick her up, but she refuses, pushing him away.

“i’m not a baby,” she huffs.

jk runs a hand through his hair and sighs.

jk is torn between feeling proud at how much she actually manages to grasp from the text and worried about the sudden surge of independence.

“sorry i’m late,” nj says. “there was traffic.”

“hi, binna,” he says.

binna doesn’t look up from where she’s still trying to read the menu.

“binna,” jk says tiredly. “nj is speaking to you.”

“hi,” binna says without looking up.

jk throws a hand up. /i have no fucking clue/.

nj sits there a long moment looking at binna, she’s still refusing to look up.

jk sighs and drops his face in his hands. “she called her too confident and said a whole lot of f- of crap. i don’t want binna to go back there.”

“then she won’t,” nj says. “let me take care of it.”

jk looks up at him.

“let’s talk about it later.”

“okay,” nj says easily.

“where’s jm?”

nj looks down. “he had some things to do. some dentist’s appointment.”

“is he okay?”

“yeah,” jk says. “binna, let nj look at the menu,” he says.

binna huffs. “i’m reading it!”

jk sighs, “binna, please, /please/—”

“it’s okay,” nj says quickly. “you can pick something out for me, binna-yah.”

“no,” jk says immediately.

binna huffs, and flings the menu at nj.

“binna!” jk scolds. “what is up with you?”

she just crosses her her arms over her chest and looks away.

“binna,” jk repeats.

jk closes his mouth. looks at binna, then back at nj. “i- i don’t. i’m sorry,” is all he manages to say before he’s bursting into tears. “i’m sorry,” he babbles again.

“it’s okay,” he says, running a large hand over his back, nuzzling his neck a little. “it’s okay.”

“appa?” jk hears binna ask, her voice breaking into sobs too.

jk looks up just in time to see, nj opening up one arm and binna climbing on his lap to cuddle jk. jk huffs out little sob and hugs binna, then feels nj’s arm wrap around both of them,

by the time the food arrives, jk has calmed down some and binna is no longer acting up. they dig into their food while nj pretends not to watch them. pretends he’s not expecting them to burst into tears again.

“it’s okay, jk,” nj says. “you don’t have to excuse yourself.”

“i just worry so much. about her. about us.”

“you can talk to me,” nj says gently.

jk nods.

“jk, that’s fucking way out of line, we have to take it up to the school board and—”

“what is the point? is she having problems at school?”

jk shakes his head. “she said binna is really smart and kind to the other kids.”

“than what’s her problem? she got put in her fucking place by a six year old?”

“what she wants are perfectly reasonable things to want,” nj whines.

“you are flying her to japan to watch a humpback whale,” jk says, opening his eyes and glaring at him.

“you worry.”

“i do.”

there’s a long pause. jk lets the movement of the train lull him. settle his mind a little.

jk opens his eyes again and looks at nj. his warm gaze on jk. his loving gaze. jk makes himself smile. “i can try.”

“sorry we couldn’t tell binna about, well. you know.”

“it’s okay,” nj says. “we’ll get the chance. there’s no rush.”

kisses jk goodbye, just a peck. then another one. then it gets heated. it becomes more.

but then he thinks of jm.

he wants transparency and honesty and he wants to be with both of them.

wants to come home to both of them.

“baby? what’s wrong?” nj whispers, holding onto jk’s face.

“i- i miss him,” he chokes out. “i miss both of you all the time. i don’t want this, i want,” he sniffles.

nj looks like he might cry too. “me too,” he says softly. “i- i want everything with you and binna. i— me and jm wanted to have a conversation with you. it’s just that the timing has been a mess. but we’ll have more than enough time, right? during the trip.”

nj brushes jk’s hair away from his face and kisses his forehead. “how’s the passport coming along?”

“good,” jk croaks.

nj nods. “good,” he says. “save one of the photos for me?”

jk sniffles and smiles. “i will.”

nj smiles back and kisses him. “i love you, jk.”

“i love you too,” jk whispers.

and eventually, he leaves.

once again, he leaves jk alone, in the darkness of the apartment he has come to resent.

binna is besides herself to be in an airplane.

they haven’t even taken off and she’s standing on her seat, jumping up and down, fiddling with the screen in front of her.

“binna,” jk calls from across the aisle. “don’t jump. just sit down.”

nj, who’s sitting next to binna in the aisle seat, smiles at him. “i won’t, it’s okay, jk.”

“here, have a drink,” jm says, pushing his whisky glass towards him,

jm already had a few drinks at the waiting lounge’s bar. jk frowns at him. “are you okay? it’s like 10 am, hyung.”

“i just don’t like airplanes,” jm explains, waving his hand.

jk laughs. “yeah,” he says, then slips his hand into jm’s.

jm falls asleep within fifteen minutes after the plane takes off. jk doesn’t let go of his hand, though.

jk can hear nj talking fast into binna’s ear, about the ocean they’re flying over. binna awed into silence.

jk smiles and settles to nap against jm’s head.

they arrive a little after midday. binna is still jumping up and down across the airport, dragging nj by the hand.

“she didn’t sleep during the flight?” jm asks, voice coarse from sleep and the whiskey.

jk shakes his head.

“she’s excited,” jm says. “it’s so cute.”

it’s a two hour drive alongside the ocean and binna is restless and excited, watching out for a whale in the horizon for the first thirty minutes, then finally, /finally/, falls asleep.

binna barely slept through the night from the excitement, which also kept jk up.

“you should sleep too,” nj tells jk from the front row of the suv.

they ride in silence for the next twenty minutes or so. it’s a very empty, hollow silence without binna to fill it.

it’s been a few days since they have been able to hang out just the three of them

eventually, jm, breaks it. out of the three of them, he hates silence the most. “so, are we guaranteed to see whales?”

“we better be,” jk says.

nj turns to look at them. “well, no,” he says. “but if we don’t see them one day,

jk and jm both grin at that.

“you’re ridiculous,” jm says.

“you know, my ex brother-in-law knows the best guy for whale watching,” the driver pipes in. he speaks korean,

still, nj replies in japanese. “yeah? the best?”

the driver hums. “ten out of ten times, guaranteed he’ll find a humpback. i can give you his number.”

the driver, an alpha by the scent of him, quirks an unimpressed eyebrow at jm through the rearview mirror.

“don’t mind my partner,” nj says. “i would love to get his number,” he says, eagerly, still in japanese. “gotta find that whale, y’know? for my daughter.”

they chat for a bit, speaking in each other’s language instead of their own. it /is/ ridiculous. but it’s so endearing, somehow.

eventually, nj turns to them “i’m getting us a whale,” he says, grinning, impossibly wide and dimpled.

jm grins back, just as wide. “yeah?”

nj nods. “yeah,” he says, then leans in to kiss him. jm meets him halfway,

jk watches them, a smile tugging at his mouth. it’s a quick kiss.

nj pulls back and turns to jk. “you trust me?”

jk gives in and smiles. “i do,” he says,

nj spends about five minutes saying goodbye to the driver, getting the whale guy’s number, and before the driver leaves, he very unsubtly gestures at both jm and jk and gives nj a loud pat on the back.

jk’s eyes go wide. jm gapes.

———-

“this is.. a lot, hyung.”

nj shrugs. “it’s nice, though, yeah? binna do you like it?”

“yes!” she says, running towards the glass door.

jm laughs and helps her, sliding it open.

jk jumps a little, running behind them. “careful, t-the pool and—”

“i got her,” jm calls, grabbing binna’s hand.

binna walks straight towards the railing to look at the ocean.

nj hums, coming up behind them. “i think our boat will be a little smaller,” nj says. “but it will be a good boat.”

“aaaah,” she says, still watching the ocean and the boats in the distance. mesmerized.

binna nods. “because we’re in japan, appa,” she says.

jk chokes out a laugh. jm giggles.

“it’s warmer, too,” he says. “wanna change out of your coat and go down to the beach, binna?”

binna nods hurriedly.

nj watches him pack the bag and smiles at him.

“can i dip my feet in?” binna asks, barely missing jm trying to bruise jk’s lip with his teeth.

“the water should be warm,” nj says, helping binna out of her shoes, then leading her in. leaving his own sandals behind.

binna shrieks as soon as her feet touch the water.

“no!” binna says, but she’s laughing too. they splash around a bit, jk has half a thought to stop binna from getting her clothes wet, but then, jm is leaning in, rubbing his nose on jk’s cheek.

“it’s okay,” he says.

jk hums, lets jm scent him, comfort him. jk gives into the urge to kiss him, slow and loving.

it’s a struggle to get binna out of the water later, even if her teeth are chattering from the cold.

eventually they find a place to eat dinner and warm up.

“are we looking for whales tomorrow?” binna asks, stuffing her face of nigiri.

“tomorrow we’re going to the aquarium,” nj says.

binna claps, her mouth too full to comment. she grabs more nigiri and tries to feed nj in the mouth. something she will sometimes do with jk when they’re eating alone together, lazy and comfortable.

nj scrunches his nose. jk snickers.

she frowns, then picks the piece of raw fish off and tries to feed him the rice instead. nj laughs and takes it.

“do i also get onigiri?” jm pouts, and binna just nods.

“fish or no fish?”

jm pretends to think about it. “fish.”

she giggles. “it tickles.”

jk meets nj’s gaze, he looks as happy as jk feels.

they walk back to the hotel, halfway through it, binna slows down so jk picks her up and back at their suite,

back outside, jm is already raiding the mini bar which seems to be pretty well stocked.

so they drink for a bit, slow and lazy, then jm makes nj pull out his bluetooth speaker to put music on.

while nj is rummaging thorough his suitcase for it, jm slides the balcony door open and walks out gesturing at jk to follow.

as soon as jm steps out, he hisses and wraps his arms around himself.

“i thought sluts didn’t get cold,” he says, coming up behind him to drape the sweater around his shoulders.

jm turns to look at him, his eyes shiny and focused. “you’re calling me a slut?”

jm grins. “hey, i’d be willing to try.”

jk smiles, then. “really? you?”

jm purses his lip. “unless you want me to do the calling?”

heat coils at the pit of jk’s stomach. he wets his lip. jm laughs.

they break the kiss and turn to him. he’s joking, or trying to joke. testing something out.

“don’t go getting jealous,” jm says, leaning down to pick up the sweater.

“you do?” jk asks, can’t tell if they’re still joking around.

jk swallows. “i don’t know if jealous would be the word.”

something flashes across jm’s face, but then he’s smiling again.

“but can we talk about it? at some point?” jk has to ask.

jm hums, turning away, already hooking his phone to the speaker.

jk’s jaw goes tight. nj slides next to him, leans down to speak against his ear.

jk wants to argue. hasn’t he been patient enough? but he guesses right now it’s definitely not the time. they’re tired from the trip, they’re drinking, binna is asleep just in the next room.

lets jm put music on, and drag jk close to him to slow dance, grabbing his face in his hands and kissing him.

nj comes up behind jk, sliding his large hands down to jk’s waist, his breath wet against his nape.

jm breaks the kiss. “kiss him,” he purrs.

“it’s so hot,” jm whispers. “the way he kisses you. he doesn’t kiss me like that.”

jk doesn’t entertain that, just lets go of nj and pulls his head down so he can kiss jm.

they trade kisses and sway to the music like that, until jk can feel both of their erections poking him, on the ass, on his thigh.

they all freeze.

binna is standing at the sliding door, rubbing sleep off her eyes.

“honey?” jk says, clearing his throat and squeezing out of nj’s and jm’s hold.

“i don’t want to sleep alone in japan,” she mumbles, pouting up at him.

jm giggles.

so that’s how they end up all washed up and in their pajamas on the king-sized bed of the main room.

binna jumps around the bed talking about their aquarium visit the next day until she tires out again and falls asleep in jk’s arms.

“she’s so sweet” jm says. “you made the best baby ever. we should make another one.”

jk chokes on his spit. nj’s eyes go wide.

jm laughs, hiding his face in jk’s neck. he’s drunk, jk can tell, has been drinking since dinner, but still.

jm hums. “like you don’t want to,” he mumbles, nuzzling jk’s neck. “knock us both up.”

“shh,” nj coos, wrapping his arms around the three of them, as far as he can reach.

———

jk can’t either. he feels so small. it moves him to tears. jm laughs, endeared by him and kisses his cheek.

wants to take a single look inside his head.

and then jk is not so sure. it is driving him crazy. and he just needs to let it /out.

they spend another thirty minutes at the gift shop.

“we might need a new suitcase,” nj says.

“i think we definitely need a new suitcase,” jm says. “let’s go shopping!” he chirps.

compliments jm as he tries on clothes, lets them splurge on new dresses for binna.

jk doesn’t even notice the panic climbing until his throat is closing up.

jk makes himself nod. “i just need to make a- a call. i’ll be right back.”

he walks fast out of the store, looks back to check they’re not following then pulls out his phone.

yg answers on the second ring. “jk-ah?”

there’s a long pause. “why are you calling /me/?” he asks, genuine.

“you think that’s bullshit?”

“no,” jk says. “i-i don’t know. should i?”

another pause.

“be objective then,” jk snaps. “where does it go from here?”

yg doesn’t answer right away. jk can almost hear him thinking.

“what’s the point if it’s just gonna go to shit?”

“the point is that you try.

“that doesn’t sound encouraging,” jk says, wetting his dry lip.

“well, yeah, that’s why you called me, isn’t it?”

“here’s this,” yg says when jk doesn’t answer. “you either take the risk or die wondering. what do you want binna to learn from it?”

“i want her to always be confident, be brave,” jk says quietly.

a pause. “then be brave,” he says.

jk nods again. “thanks,” he says after a while.

yg hums. “are you feeling better?”

“some,” jk answers, truthfully. “i still don’t know what jm wants.”

jk breathes out a little laugh. “okay.”

yg hums again. “go enjoy your vacation, jk-ah. say hi to everyone from me.”

nj and binna are discussing their boat trip tomorrow, while jk is trying to stop jm from getting drunk, by bringing him fruit cocktails and shit before he can think of asking for alcohol.

it all seems to align because, after an hour or so, a woman wearing the hotel’s uniform stops by their lounge chairs. behind her there’s a neat row of children, linked by their hands.

“hi!” she says.

they all blink at her. jk turns to binna. “do you want to?”

binna hesitates. she’s shy around other children she doesn’t know.

“what sort of prize?” jm asks, sitting up, eyes squinting up at the woman.

the woman smiles and points at a giant blue whale stuffed animal hanging above the food bar.

nj chokes out a laugh. “binna, if you wanted one of those, we could get you one, you don’t have to /compete/,” he says. “art can’t be voted on and—”

“i want that one,” she pouts. “can i, appa?”

jk smiles. “ah, where would you be?” he asks the woman.

jk nods. “yeah, okay.”

so binna jumps up and is directed to get in the line. she shyly grabs the kid’s hand when he offers it to her.

binna nods, and then they’re walking away.

“win that whale, binna-yah!” jm calls.

nj scoffs.

“relax,” jm tells him, looking back. he clears his throat. “so, did you want to go to that yoga class?”

“or we could go back to the room. chill for a bit,” jm chirps, hiding a smile behind his fruit punch glass.

and jk resolves to get them back to the room and talk, he really, really does.

“still want me to call you a slut?” jm asks.

“what,” nj chokes out next to them.

jk grins.

so they fuck.

they have at least two hours, so jk asks to be opened up and fucked in the ass, something he doesn’t get to ask often. and it’s so fucking good.

jm is the talker, anyway.

jm coos at him. “yeah, you were so good, baby,” he says. “always so good to us.”

“sluts don’t get cold,” jk mutters. jm laughs and tips jk’s chin up to kiss him on the mouth.

they clean up then, and curl up on the sofa.

“i wanted to talk to you,” jk mumbles.

jm hums. “it can wait, baby,” he says. “you can rest now.”

jk pouts at him. “hyung, stop doing that.”

“what?”

jm sighs and sits up, careful to not just fling jk off him. “okay, okay. we can talk,” he says, getting up from the couch and heading towards the mini bar.

jk also sits up. “do you have to drink for it?” jk asks quietly.

“jm,” nj pleads.

“jm, darling, i just—”

jm shakes his head. “please, don’t look at me like that, nj. we’re on vacation. you know i don’t do this back home.

“okay,” jk says, before nj can open his mouth. “we believe you. we’re not trying to ambush you.”

jm hums, pushes for a smile. “right,” he says. “what do you want to talk about?”

jk clears his throat. “the other night,” he starts. “you talked about being jealous. you asked me if i get jealous. and i- i wanted to tell you, that i don’t.

jm’s smile fades some, he looks at jk. “oh. i-i, well, okay,” he says. he turns around and gets a beer from the bar. jm doesn’t really drink beer, but it’s the only thing that’s left.

“it doesn’t,” jk says.

“of course it doesn’t,” jm and nj say at the same time. they look up at each other.

“you two share things that have nothing to do with me too, are you kidding? /binna/?” he says.

“that will happen,” nj says, he’s still frowning. “we are three very different people.

jm smiles at the floor, a single tear rolling down his cheek. he sniffles and wipes it away. he looks at nj. “have you told him?”

“show him,” jm mutters.

“what?” jk asks, just as nj pulls his phone out.

“we, ah, wanted to show you in person. it was supposed to be a surprise, a nice one. but, well.” he gives his phone to jk.

it’s a video and when jk hits play there’s jm on the screen standing on the hall of their second level.

/“are you recording?” jm in the video asks.

“yes,” nj replies.

“i told you to cut that part,” the real jm says.

“its cute, though,” nj says.

in the video, jm walks over to a door, it’s the door down the hallway of their room. it’s always been closed when jk has been there.

there’s a white four poster bed, and the walls are painted blue, with water details and and sea creatures. whales painted on.

jk doesn’t realize he’s crying until he feels the tear slide down his jaw and into the phone screen.

he wipes it. “sorry. i love it, i—” he sniffles,

nj drops the phone somewhere on the couch and slides closer to him. tries to kiss the tears away, which only makes jk cry harder.

“i want it too,” he says. “i want you close all the time,” he says, grabbing jk’s hands in his. he kisses jk’s knuckles.

jm huffs out a laugh. “yeah, and i’m sorry,” he says. “just trust me, okay? it’s not a big deal. i just, ah. want to share it with you.”

nj doesn’t budge.

“all those doctor visits,” nj starts. “jm, you can’t just leave it at that.”

jm hums. “i’m sorry,” he says. “i just don’t want to think about it right now. i promise i’m not like dying or anything.”

“sorry, sorry,” jm says. “i didn’t meant to get so dramatic, let’s just forget about the whole thing for now,” he says, standing up. “put some music on. celebrate we’re moving in together,” he says. “we are, right?”

“binna!” he yelps, jumping up to get the door, grabbing a t-shirt from the floor. “get decent,” he hisses at jm and nj. they’re all just wearing underwear.

“it’s okay,” the lady tells him. “she was good. her project will be displayed in the lobby before dinner.”

“thank you so much,” jk says.

the woman smiles, bows and turns to leave.

binna doesn’t look like anything it’s okay.

“i’m sorry, honey,” he tells her.

“you didn’t remember to pick me up,” she huffs, striding in.

“binna, sweetheart, i’m so sorry,” nj says coming up to her,

“what were you doing?” she asks.

nj hesitates, rubs a hand at the back of his neck. “we were just talking,” he says. “um.”

binna scoffs and walks further inside.

“how did you do with your project, binna-yah?” jm asks sweetly.

“no no,” nj says immediately. “everyone can be good at art. you can’t compete with it, binna. you can’t grade art,” he says,

jm breathes out a laugh. “okay, then,” he says. “i’m taking a shower before we have to go down for dinner. give me a hand?” he says, softly to jk. something warm and hopeful in his eyes.

jk swallows.

jm leads him into the bathroom and they quietly undress each other, jm almost trips a few times which betrays how drunk he actually is.

“i’m fine,” he says softly.

and when jm starts crying, it scares jk, he doesn’t ask, just holds him until he stops shaking.

so they do. it’s not a big boat, but it’s the best guy for whale watching,

and sure enough, as soon as they are in open water, they see them. just a fin, here and there at first.

then they get close enough and that’s a whole humpback whale in front of them.

“it’s two of them,” jm breathes. he’s recording with his phone.

jk laughs, awed at all of it.

“nj, binna-yah,” jm calls,

they turn around, matching dimpled smiles. jm grins and snaps the photo. snaps a few of them. jk laughs, wipes the tear away.

nj then sits on the floor of the boat with binna on his lap,

jm puts his phone away and turns to jk. he wipes the tears of his cheeks and smiles, his eyes squinting, creasing so prettily. jk loves him so much. “oh, jk-ah,” he says.

“i love you,” he breathes into jm’s ear. “i love you so much.”

jm goes still under jk’s touch. he looks up, his smile falters.

he lets go of jk altogether and steps away. jk freezes, waits. doesn’t understand.

“um, y-you don’t have to say anything?” jk says quickly, feeling like an idiot all of the sudden.

jm tries to smile. “oh. no, it’s ah, um.”

“we’re missing the whales,” he finally says. and without another word walks over to where nj is sitting and sits next to him.

jk doesn’t move for a long moment. unsure of what the hell just happened.

“appa!” binna calls. that snaps him out of it.

when he can sneak a glance at jm, jm is just staring blankly ahead.

and okay, jk thinks, a little frantic. it’s— it’s all. it’s.

well, shit.

“stop fidgeting with your collar,” nj says. “do you want to go back and change? we still have time—”

“no,” jk cuts off. “it’s fine. we’re doing this right.”

nj gives him a look. “i mean, we’re already in,” he says.

“i’m an unmated omega,” jk whispers, just loud enough for nj to hear him over the rumble of the train.

nj huffs. “i mean i got us in. and no one covers their neck anymore, it’s primitive,” he says. “people who still expect you to do it are not worth your time.

that makes jk look up. “how old is their kid?”

jk nods. “she doesn’t have many friends her own age,” he says looking down at her.

she’s sitting next to him, enthralled by the puzzle game she’s playing.

jk nods, biting his lip.

“this is our stop,” nj says and gets up. “let’s go, binna-yah.”

“shouldn’t, ah, jimin be here?” jk asks as they’re walking across the platform.

jk nods. “i-i’m worried about him.”

they just got back from japan four days ago. they haven’t had much time to talk, or so they’ve ensured, because they’ve definitely found time for sex. really unsatisfactory sex, mind you.

and apparently jm’s approaching heat because he was overly sensitive and had to ask nj to stop twice the last time they fucked. it was awkward. it’s all really awkward.

“he’ll talk when he’s ready,” he says. “the worst thing we can do is pressure him.”

jk swallows and nods. “it’s just, ah.”

but he doesn’t want to make a big deal out of things when they might very well not be. he sighs. “nothing. yeah, okay.”

at the very last second he thinks better of it and kisses his cheek instead. when he pulls back, he looks down nervously at binna. jk looks too.

jk huffs out a laugh. nj smiles.

she smiles brightly at them and is exceedingly sweet towards binna. jk breathes a little easier.

jk nods. “ah, sure.”

“come with me, binna,” the counselor chirps and holds out her hand. binna looks up at jk and nj, a little hesitantly.

binna pouts and nods before taking the woman’s hand.

jk nods. “a little around people she’s not close to. and she has a hard time making friends so she’s nervous about the whole thing.

the principal nods understandingly. “i see. and why are you changing schools so late in the term?” she asks bluntly.

jk darts a glance at nj. nj nods. “ah, well, i wasn’t comfortable with her teacher.

nj nods. “and i’m binna’s father.”

“and you’re not mated? married?”

“oh no,” she says quickly. “of course not. i just wanted to get some understanding,” she smiles. “sorry for the line of questioning, it wasn’t polite. we have all types of families here, though. we don’t judge.”

“it’s just really, ah. it’s not a conventional situation and i don’t want her to feel different or left out because of it.”

jk glances at nj. “um,” he says.

he’s interrupted when the guidance counselor comes back into the room.

“sorry,” she says with a smile. nj shakes his head and gestures at her to sit down on the chair next to the desk.

“thanks,” she says.

jk smiles. “thank you. she is, she’s just shy.”

“what were you saying, nj-ssi?” the principal asks.

nj nods. “just that binna doesnt really know i’m her father yet. and we are just transitioning into moving in together.

there’s a pause after that. the two women looking between jk and nj, examining.

“of course,” the counselor says.

the principal nods. “thank you, yes,” she says. “if there’s anything in particular we can do to help, don’t hesitate to let us know.”

“oh, sorry,” she says. “i just assumed. mated?”

“no,” jk says.

“let’s not assume anymore,” the principal tells the counselor, very pointedly. the counselor gives her a sheepish smile.

nj and jk nod and stand up.

around half an hour later they leave, satisfied with what they’ve seen. binna even seems excited to start.

“what was that about?”

“nothing, c’mon,” nj says.

they meet jm for lunch.

“it was pretty good,” nj says. jm smiles.

“good,” he says. “did you like it, binna?”

binna shrugs. “it was okay. they have a veggie garden so we can water it and take the veggies home when they grow.”

she pulls a face. “you don’t like veggies,” she says. “you’re always pushing them into my plate.”

jm laughs.

they go back to their house because nj wants to play ocean documentaries for binna, but she’s asleep within the first ten minutes.

“that makes sense, it was a long day,” nj says, getting a blanket and pulling it over binna on the couch. he watches her sleep for a few minutes. it makes jk’s chest feel very tight.

jk wets his lip and nods. something stinging when he notices jm doesn’t once look up from his phone.

he tries to ignore it.

nj takes him upstairs and shows him into the room. jk has seen it in videos and pictures,

he runs his fingers through the bedspread, the stuffed animals, the shelves.

nj is giving him a bookshelf tour when jm walks quietly into the room, sitting on the bed.

jk looks at him, jm looks back, offers him a little smile.

jm raises an eyebrow. “yes, i actually live here,” he says. “i actually did most of the work for this room.”

“i wasn’t trying to be mean, jm,” nj says.

“i- i think it should wait, actually,” jk says, quickly. both jm and nj stare tat him.

“what? i thought this is what you wanted.”

“it was,” jk says. “it is,” he corrects himself “it’s just, ah.”

the image makes a shiver run down jk’s spine for some reason.

they both turn to him. “what? nothing,” jk tries to say.

nj frowns. “okay,” he says.

jk doesn’t say anything, looks at jm again.

nj sighs. “i didn’t want to say anything. the last thing i want to do is pressure you, but, ah. i saw the pregnancy tests.”

“i don’t know whose they were and as far as i could tell they were negative, b-but you have been weird since then.”

“i have been weird or we have been weird?” jm asks.

nj gapes. “um. i-i don’t— i guess you?”

jk notices how jm closes his fists still on his lap. “/no/, you were there with me when i took all those tests,” he hisses.

“okay, sorry, i just thought— ah, maybe a false negative—”

“i didn’t think you were,” nj mutters. “i’d be able to smell it on you by now.”

jm looks down at that.

“jm? what is going on?”

jm closes his eyes and sighs.

“when was this?” nj asks. his hands are shaking.

“it started a few weeks ago, i—”

“you were sleeping. i didn’t want to wake you or worry you—”

“jm—”

“why didn’t you tell me?” jk asks quietly.

“like what?” nj is asking, helplessly.

“like i’m broken or something, like you want to fix it!”

“jm, i don’t think you’re broken,” nj says gently, stepping closer to jm. jm steps away,

jk swallows. “we’re just sad because you’re sad, jm, it’s not—”

jm huffs out a little humorless laugh. “it /is/ fucking annoying when you use the plural like that.

nj sighs. “okay, why don’t we all take a deep breath and sit down and—”

“i don’t want to sit down,” jm hisses. “i’ve been sitting all day waiting for you two.”

“now you’re just being difficult for no reason,” nj says with a frown.

“that is now what i said! why are you always twisting my words?” jm shouts. “and whatever the fucking case, i would like to have a choice in it!”

“then follow the treatment! i haven’t seen you take those pills

“don’t fucking tell me how to follow my treatment, nj,” jm grits. “i have it under control.”

nj nods. “like you have the drinking under control?”

“okay,” jk says, when he sees nj opening his mouth. “let’s not say shit we’ll regret. i think jm feels a little under attack right now and—”

“i was going to! if you’d just waited, like i asked you to!”

“would you have waited?” nj asks.

jm doesn’t say anything to that. no one says anything for a long moment.

“i don’t get it,” jk says, finally.

nj steps closer to him, shaking his head. “no, baby, we’re just upset. i’m upset and jm is really upset, it’s—”

“i know, darling,” he says. “but we can still do it. i-i wanted to bring it up after today, just not like this, but, ah,” he looks at jk.

“what?” jk asks.

“m-mating.”

the room goes very quiet.

“no! i think—”

“you want to mate us? bite us? how fucking— i can’t believe you. all that time talking about how primitive it is or whatever crap and now you want it? you want to /claim/ us?”

“marriage is a legal document that you can get out of, nj! it is fucking different! are you hearing yourself?”

“he doesn’t want you to marry me, nj.”

jm sighs. “jk-ah, c’mon. that’s not— okay. i worded all of it the wrong way, okay? no one has to marry anyone.”

“no, it’s what everyone expects of me,” jm says stubbornly.

“no, you want it too. you want to marry him and have his pups and we’re just getting in the way,” jk says, tears flooding his eyes.

“you’re not in anyone’s way, baby,” nj says. “we want you. we’ve build a nest together, we want you and we want, binna.”

“yes!” jm says quickly, eyes darting a little wildly.

“do you really?” jk asks again.

“jk-ah,” jm pleads. “that is not—”

“i love you, jm,” jk says.

jk feel as if he’s been slapped.

he swallows, nods. “well, it is to me. so i guess, that’s it,” he says and turns around to leave.

“stop talking for him,” jk grits, not looking back.

“jk, we’re all upset, we’re all saying things we don’t mean, we—”

“binna is still my daughter. she’s still my daughter, jk.”

they stand there for a minute, looking at each other. jk looks up, up the stairs, seeing if maybe jm will come down. but he doesn’t. nj sighs. he looks disappointed too.

“i love you,” nj says quietly, following him to door.

jk sighs. “i know you do. i love you too,” he says. “i just need to go right now.”

so he walks away, his daughter in his arms, to find the nearest subway stop.

binna starts her new school next monday. it is way off route for jk, and he’s already freaking out about how the hell would he give up his lease to find something closer, how could he even afford it in that neighborhood.

“if i can’t make it one day, i’ll just send jun, he’s my driver for events. he’s cool,” nj tells him when he drops binna off at jk’s office building later.

jk sighs, not in the mood to argue. “okay, fine,” he says.

nj nods. he doesn’t look too thrilled about it. they’ve avoided communication for the last few days, they all agreed it was best to cool off first. or jk and nj agreed.

(cw// smoking)

when jk comes back down, he finds nj outside, smoking.

nj offers him the cigarette. jk sighs and takes it.

they pass it back and forth for a few minutes.

then, “jm left.”

jk freezes, cigarette halfway up to his lips. “what?”

“where did he go?”

“to his parents’ i believe.”

“and you just let him go?”

nj gives him a look. “you really think i had any hope trying to stop him?”

he’s afraid he will just burst into tears, because this it. this is how it all goes to shit.

“he loves you,” nj says. jk still doesn’t look at him.

“but there is.”

“don’t say that.”

nj huffs. “he’s just got so much going on,” he says.

nj’s face falls. “jk-ah—”

“binna will love to have siblings and she will love her room,” he says. “maybe you can have her on weekends.”

“or one weekend with you, one with me, and you can have her some weeknights too,” jk continues. “i think i will tell her today. that you’re her father.”

that silences nj. “oh. d-do you want me to—”

jk shakes his head. “i got it. it’ll be fine,” he says.

“of course,” nj says, defeated.

“i know she got us in the school,” jk says, quietly. “you should’ve just told me.”

jk nods. “you’re right. but i like the school so we’ll leave it at that. don’t fucking do it again.”

nj nods. “i won’t.”

jk takes a good look at him. how miserable he does look. how much jk loves him, how much it hurts to let go,

“i hope—” his voice breaks. he swallows around the knot in his throat. “i hope you get what you want from her, i really do,” he says kindly.

nj snorts. “i won’t. i just did it for binna.”

nj eyes him, so sad. “it sounds like you’re saying goodbye.”

jk laughs a little, wobbly and wet. “i’m not,” he says, rubbing a hand on nj’s arm.

“you’re just breaking up with me.”

nj nods. his eyes are very clear as if he’s holding back tears.

jk drops his head forward, letting his forehead rest against nj’s arm. “i’m sorry,” he says again.

jk smiles, doesn’t look up. he’s tearing up too.

“you didn’t lose me, nj,” he says, then pushes up on his toes to press a kiss on nj’s jaw. it’s wet with tears. “i have to go watch binna.”

nj nods, wiping his tears.

“thanks,” jk says sniffling.

nj nods again. jk looks at him for another moment, then he has to turn around because of how much it hurts.

“appa,” she says. “what’s wrong?”

jk tries to smile. “nothing, baby,” he says. “i just got emotional over something, c’mere.” he says,

she’s started this very non-affectionate phase where she doesn’t like when jk kisses her or hugs her too much, but right now she grabs jk’s face in her hands and kisses it.

she smiles back.

he clears his throat. “i wanted to, ah, tell you something.”

“what?”

jk bites his lip. “um, remember when you asked about who put a pup in my belly?”

“me pup?”

“yes, you pup.”

she nods.

she gives him a funny look. “nj?”

he gapes. “what.”

“he’s an alpha isn’t he? your alpha?”

“you knew?”

she gives him another funny look. like maybe jk is an idiot. jk laughs.

“you know what that means?”

“what?”

she frowns. “why didn’t he live with us before?”

jk wets his lip, considering how much should he say. but binna has been smart and understanding enough. he swallows. “he didn’t know that i had you.”

“but he put me in your tummy.”

“what about you?”

“but why?”

“well, it’s fair. if i we get to spend time alone, so should you and him. if you’re okay with that.”

“okay, but what about jm?”

she pouts. “why?”

“why can’t we live together? like in japan?”

jk hesitates. “because me and nj are not together like that, binna,” he says.

“mated?”

jk hesitates. “yes, and also—”

“but you said grown ups didn’t /have/ to be mated.”

jk sighs rubbing a hand over his eyes. “i know. shit,” he says. “sorry, sorry.” he sighs.

a single tear wins against him.

“like jungseob?”

“yeah, actually,” he says. “except me and nj won’t fight, i promise.”

“we’ll try it, yeah? do you want to spend the weekend at his house? see your room?”

“where would you be?”

“o-okay,” she says. “no jm?”

jk’s face falls. “no, baby. i’m sorry.”

“i don’t know, but i hope so.”

she lets out a long sigh. “okay.”

jk makes himself smile and hugs her until she’s huffing and pushing him away.

then, all jk has to do is send a quick /hey/ in th’s chat and th is right over.

th hugs him, lets jk cry in his arms for as long as he needs. it’s ugly and visceral and jk hates it but he can’t stop.

“it didn’t feel courageous,” jk says, voice very small.

“but you didn’t,” th says. “jm ran away.”

jk sits up. “have you talked to him,” he asks then covers his face , feeling shy. he must look so ugly right now. swollen and snotty.

“it’s my fault,” jk says.

“shh,” th hums, pulling jk down to his chest. “it’s not your fault, jk.”

that only makes jk cry harder.

in the next weeks, jm fails to answer any of nj’s texts. they only know he’s okay because th says he is, but he won’t say much else.

nj is devastated.

jk feels entirely too guilty about it.

but on mutual agreement, they don’t discuss jm.

they learn to be friends and co-parents, even if every fiber of jk’s being aches for nj. even if he misses jm like crazy.

binna is happy which is the most important part.

they love to brag about each other. it’s cute.

when nj’s rut hits, jk stays well away. tries not to think about nj spending his rut alone, longing for jm or him or both.

and weeks go by.

jk never expected it. he thought jm would take maybe a couple of weeks then come back. a part of him hoped that they could talk, that jm would come back for jk.

but that never happens.

it hurts jk. it hurts nj even more.

even if they don’t bring it up, jk can see how sad, how lonely sometimes nj gets at that house.

jk lets binna sleep over at his house on those nights.

jk can’t just leave it alone.

“are you okay?”

nj smiles. nods. “i-i talked to jm last night.”

“not much,” nj says, looking down. “he never answers when i call. it has to be him that calls. he doesn’t do it very often, but yeah. he asked about you.”

jk looks up at that. “why?”

jk bites his lip. “please don’t talk about me with him,” he says. “i don’t want to be a part if it anymore.”

nj gives him another sad look, then finally nods. “okay. sorry.”

nj doesn’t look surprised at the question. “i think so. he’s not drinking anymore he said. and, ah, he’s resting and eating well. he doesn’t really say much beyond that.”

jk is even roped into going on a date that a friend from work sets him up on.

it’s been two months since jm left at that point.

so jk thinks, why not?

he’s really cute and so sweet and jk even has fun with him. even lets the guy, kiss him stupid at the front door of his building.

“why would i? you’re really cute, s00bin-ah,” he says.

s00bin gives him a look, from beneath his eyelashes. “just cute, hyung?”

it feels so good to his senses, jk wants to have a taste. he hasn’t had much experience with omega cunt before. except, well, jm.

his stomach drops at the thought.

so jk just kisses him goodnight once on his cheek and sends him on his way.

he runs into th and sj and the pup on his way back.

“hey,” th says. “how was your date?”

sj gives him an amused look. “then why do you look so miserable?”

jk sighs. “we kissed and i think he wanted to come up and it would’ve been really easy to sleep with him. it would’ve been nice, even,” he says.

they give him mirror sad glances. jk hates it.

“anyway, i’ll just go to bed,” he tells them. “have a good night.”

along with the pent up /frustration/ frustration. the anger. the betrayal. the deep, unmovable sadness that threatens to eat him alive.

he helps nj clean up, and then nj asks him if he wants a drink and jk shrugs. why not?

“how have you been?” nj asks him. “really?”

jk hums, sinking into the couch and staring at the ceiling. “fine,” he says.

“just fine?”

“well, yeah,” he says, looking up, a little annoyed. “how have /you/ been?”

jk sighs, sitting back. “yeah,” he agrees. “i— yeah. i know.” which is to say, jk feels the same.

“i went on a date,” he confesses after a moment.

“you did?” nj asks, and his scent gives him away so quick.

jk lifts an eyebrow.

jk snickers. “the same i guess.”

nj hums. “so how was it?”

“i couldn’t sleep with him,” he says.

“is that the only reason?”

jk turns to look at him. “he was an omega. he reminded me of him,” he says quietly.

nj looks so sad about it, jk regrets having said it.

jk gives him a look. it’s such an obvious line. but whatever. nj looks back.

nj is groaning into it almost immediately. it’s pretty mild, at first. almost sweet.

jk pulls away. “it doesn’t feel right,” he mutters. “without him.”

nj swallows. “i know.”

“i haven’t talked to him in days,” nj says quietly.

jk gives him an unimpressed look. “you deserve better,” he says.

nj doesn’t look at him. his jaw goes tense. “we’re not supposed to discuss jm.”

jk purses his lip, examines him. “no,” he says.

nj laughs again. “okay then, sweetheart. have fun chafing your clit raw.”

jk laughs at that, kicks nj on the hip with his socked feet.

later, nj walks him to the door.

“are you sure you don’t want to stay?” he asks. “just to sleep. binna’s bed is big enough.”

it was a nice night. but so much of it just reminded him to miss jm. he doesn’t want to that any more tonight. he actually was thinking of going home and have a nice cry.

he pushes a smile. “thanks, hyung,” he says. “i should go home, though.”

nj nods, a little defeated. “okay. text me when you get there.”

———-

they invite hs and yg so it’s not too weird.

jk spends most of saturday trying to teach binna how to swim, while yg gets the barbecue out. while nj lounges and reads. while hs lounges.

he follows her out.

“dad nj,” she calls, as she heads towards nj’s lounging chair.

the first time, nj tried to gently explain to her that she could just call him dad if she wanted. but she just frowned at him like he was talking nonsense.

so dad nj it is.

she climbs on his lap. “you said we could go looking for frogs.”

nj gives her the widest smile. “absolutely.”

he has to bathe binna, then they sit her on the living room couch while he rubs calamine lotion on her.

hs rubs it on nj’s legs and arms.

“because their blood isn’t as sweet, binna-yah,” nj says. hs bursts into laughter.

jk rolls his eyes. “it’s because everyone else listened when i said it was time to go inside,” jk says.

nj grins madly at binna. “we identified four types of frog,” he tells her. “we still win.”

she smiles, looking very proud at the accomplishment. jk rolls his eyes again, but he’s smiling.

binna falls asleep not long after that.

he drifts downstairs, moves through the house like a ghost. doesn’t even know what he’s looking for.

“jk?”

jk jumps like a cat. “nj?! what the fuck?”

nj chuckles. “sorry.”

“what are you doing here?”

“i couldn’t sleep.”

“so you just came here to sit and stare into nothing?”

jk hums. “what are you thinking about?” he asks quietly, as he plops down on the other armchair.

jk makes out the shape of nj’s dimpled smile in the dark. “i would really love that,” he says.

“do you know what i thought about when i first met you?” nj asks.

jk is taken aback at that. he looks at nj. or in the general direction of him. “what?”

jk blushes for some reason. “hyung, i hadn’t even presented when you met me.”

nj bursts into laughter. “yeah? then why are you crying?”

“i’m not,” jk says, but he is. he has to wipe a tear.

he can’t stop thinking of the first time he met nj.

of course, jk already knew him. watched him from afar. loved him. it was all a fantasy to jk,

it didn’t matter in the end, because nj loved him back. the love was real.

jm matching his own childhood summer memories to jk’s scent. the way jm told him about it with no qualms. what happened to that? he can’s stop wondering. he can’t stop wishing he was here.

“i miss him too,” nj says.

“sorry,” nj mutters. “you just feel warmer than usual when you think of him. wether you’re angry or not.”

jk swallows. doesn’t say anything, just wraps his arms around himself. they sit in silence, there in the dark.

jk blinks at him. “o-okay.”

“are you falling out of love with me?” he asks. “it’d be okay, if you were but i would like to know because my love for you hasn’t gone anywhere.

jk feels as if he’s been struck. he doesn’t have a single intelligent thought in his head. he opens his mouth, closes it.

nj sits up straighter in his armchair. “he’ll come back. i know he will.”

jk shakes his head. “it’s fine. we’re doing fine, being friends, binna’s parents. let’s keep doing fine.”

nj hums. “yeah.”

that’s the last time either of them bring jm up.

it’s hot out but after a long winter and cold spring, jk is grateful for it. he closes his eyes and basks in it.

th clicks his tongue. “how do you stop imagining him falling over and cracking his head open?” he asks, then quickly stands up to catch the pup when he stumbles and almost falls on his butt.

th sits back once the pup stays sitting and begins playing with the stuffed bear he brought.

jk breathes out a laugh. “it’s just that i had binna when i was really young,” he says. “but you’re doing great, hyung.”

th smiles, fiddles with the lid on his coffee cup. “thanks,” he says.

jk checks the time on his phone. “in around an hour.”

the baby gets whiny then, so th picks him up and sits him on his lap instead, offers him a pacifier. “how are things going? with nj?”

th purses his lip. “both.”

jk takes a deep breath. “binna and him are great,” he starts. “they really understand each other in a way i can’t.

jk smiles. “yeah. not thanks to me and not thanks to him, though. i also keep thinking about that.”

th squeezes his hand at that. “you’ve made the best out of things, jk-ah.”

“what about you and nj?”

jk bites his lip. “um, good. we’re friends.”

th quirks an eyebrow.

jk huffs out a laugh. “i mean it. we’ve been mature about it,” he says.

“but you still love him?”

jk looks down, he shrugs. “yeah, but it doesn’t get in the way.”

“oh, jk-ah.”

“okay, okay,” th says. “you look happy, so i’m happy.”

jk smiles.

jk comes along with th as he goes shopping for the pup after that.

“they grow out of clothes so fast, it’s ridiculous,” th says, picking out a onesie.

“at least you only have to buy all this once, though, right? we’ll just pass it along to the next one.”

“next one?” jk asks, mouth going round.

jk grins. “yeah? that sounds fun.”

it only makes th blush harder. “yeah, anyway. my mom think it’s soon but i want them to be close in age, y’know?

jk freezes.

“sorry,” th says quickly.

jk swallows. “no, uh. it’s fine. y-you can talk about him.”

jk knows th keeps in touch with jm. and to some extent, he knows nj does too. jk doesn’t know any details. he never asks.

th smiles a little. “okay, how about this — you can ask.”

jk looks down, at the baby that has finally settled to drool on his shoulder. he rubs his back a little.

“yeah,” th says. “he is in a much better place, like, mentally. he’s healthy.”

“is he still at his parents’?

“yes.”

jk has done so well at keeping the jm thoughts at bay.

he hates asking now. but he is curious. and better ask th than nj.

“is he ever coming back?” he hears himself ask.

jk wets his bottom lip. “he wouldn’t be coming back to me, so. it’s not my decision.”

th gives him a long sad look. jk has to look away.

jk meets up with nj later outside some theater he took binna to.

they went all dressed up and jk just has to take like a million photos of them. binna in her emerald green dress and nj in his tie and button down. it’s really cute.

they put binna to bed. it takes hours, because she keeps wanting to pick a different bedtime story, but she’s on school break so it’s okay.

when she’s finally down, they make their way downstairs.

jk wets his bottom lip and smiles, looking away. “they’re good,” he says, dropping on the couch. “they say hi.”

jk cocks his head, inquiring.

nj smiles. “binna’s classmate and her parents. you know, the really annoying ones who keep making everything into a competition?”

nj laughs. “you’re just as bad as them,” he says.

“did we or didn’t we beat her?”

“yeah and it was pretty great,” nj says with a grin.

jk grins. “god. were you graceful about it?”

“the most graceful,” nj says, sitting up.

“and bite her hand?”

“and bite her hand,” nj confirms. jk snickers.

“you should’ve. fuck that woman,” jk says.

nj nods. “the best human being ever.”

jk laughs again, so endeared. “she is.”

“do you want a drink?” nj asks, making a move to get up.

jk shakes his head. “i’m good.”

it’s all so stupid, jk thinks. he breathes out a laugh.

“hell yeah,” nj says as soon as the question is out.

so they scramble to their feet and walk across the living room, and across the hall to the small guest bedroom they have on the first floor.

as soon as they’re inside nj is latched onto jk’s neck, his scent gland, lapping and kissing and growling a bit. jk laughs.

nj opens his mouth and drags his tongue against the finger. jk laughs again and removes his hand to kiss nj square on the mouth.

just sometimes when the mood strikes, when they’re feeling too horny or too stressed or whatever. they don’t discuss it much. just do whatever feels good.

“yeah?” nj asks. jk can feel his grin against his neck. jk nods.

they strip quickly, efficiently, then nj is pressed against his back again and jk can feel all of him bare.

“how do you want it?”

“like this,” jk mutters.

“standing?”

jk nods.

in the next minute, nj is sliding two fingers in his ass and with his right hand, he’s rubbing slow, maddening circles on jk’s clit.

jk whimpers.

jk releases a long breath. “you’re a really good dad,” he says.

nj laughs. “that turns you on?”

“you know it does,” jk says,

it’s not long before jk’s chest is heaving and nj’s cock is steadily drooling against his thigh.

“fuck me, nj,” jk breathes against nj’s jaw.

“ahh, please,” jk sighs. he feels so relaxed. loves this kind of sex they’ve had going, without thinking.

he feels nj nod and then he’s pushing in.

nj is determined to do all the work, coax the orgasm from jk, and he’s brutal about it.

he fucks him so hard that the sound of his hips slapping agains’t jk fills the whole room, rumbles in his ears.

and he takes jk’s clit between his two fingers and rubs it, pulls on it,

it’s not long before jk’s knees go so weak that nj has to walk him over to the bed so jk can kneel on it, while nj, still standing at the edge of it,

“so good,” nj whispers wetly in his ear. “my good jk-ie,” he says as he fucks and rubs jk through his orgasm.

“please,” jk still says, and nj drives his hips forward,

after nj pulls out, they drop down to the bed, breathing hard.

“you should’ve knotted,” jk pouts after a while.

“i would’ve hurt you,” nj says when he catches his breath.

jk pouts harder.

jk shakes his head as he always does. “i have some stuff to get done for work tomorrow.”

jk covers himself with a hand. he shakes his head.

jk leaves before nj comes out.

a few days later, binna’s daycare closes because of some power outage and jk has to take her into work with him.

usually it’s not a big deal. binna will sit on the carpet and color or look through a book, but today she’s restless.

“binna, baby, please,” jk pleads tiredly. “we’ll go home early, i promise but i really need to get this done before.”

jk jumps off his chair and tries to get the computer, the keyboard out of the way. “shit,” he says, then immediately winces.

he scolds her and she cries and it makes it all that much worse.

he sighs and calls nj.

“jk-ah?” he asks, picking up on the first ring.

“hey,” jk says. “everything is good. just, ah. binna is not having a good day,” he says.

“i’m at my office,” nj says. “i had some meetings lined up but i’ll cancel.”

“no! hyung, don’t,” he says. “it’s okay, i’ll call—”

“sweetheart, it’s no problem,” nj says. “i’ll be right there.”

and true to his word, nj is at jk’s office twenty minutes later, with an iced coffee from jk’s favorite place.

“you didn’t have to,” jk mutters.

nj just kisses his cheek and then turns to binna. she runs up to him, all puffy eyed and snotty.

nj hums. “i’m sorry, baby but appa is busy,” he says. “we gotta respect his work hours remember?”

nj rubs her back. “i know, baby. it’s okay. how about we go to the park down the road? leave your appa and his work alone for a bit?”

“we’ll be at the park,” he tells jk. “take your time, we’ll meet you when you’re done.”

jk nods. “thank you, really,” he says.

nj smiles, wide and dimpled. “no problem.”

“just no more than one sweet, okay?”

“hello?”

jk watches as nj listens to whatever th is saying with a confused frown.

“what?” jk asks.

nj shrugs with his free shoulder. “i don’t know. he’s bored out with the pup i guess.”

binna lifts her head at that. “we’re seeing th and the pup?”

she gives him a sheepish look. “bye appa, i’m sorry.”

jk leans in to kiss her face. “it’s okay, baby. i’m sorry too. have fun, okay?”

and they’re off.

/where are you?/ he texts nj.

/next to the pond/ is all it says. jk frowns but finally shrugs it off.

he makes his way across the park, walking past joggers and people taking a shortcut,

when he reaches the pond, jk stops to look around. he doesn’t immediately see binna or nj or th or anyone.

“binna, sweetheart, slow down,” he says.

she heaves. “it’s jm!” she shouts, excitedly. “it’s jm,” she says again and jk feels his heart sink down to his feet.

the first thing he sees is nj standing still a few meters away. he’s crying. sobbing, really, his face all read and ridiculous.

and then a few feet closer to him and binna, he sees jm.

he’s got tears trailing down his cheeks too. just pouring out of him. he’s holding another flower bouquet to his chest. that one’s bigger.

binna is still talking next to him but he can’t make out a word she’s saying. jk can’t process a single thought.

he feels as if he might throw up.

after what feels like ages, jm takes a tentative step forward. jk doesn’t move.

sigh,, i promise i’m not trying to tease 😭 this was mostly written out on monday so i thought finishing this story during my work week was doable!!! but!!!!! i keep tweaking shit and this last conversation between jm and jk is too important for me to just +